Patriotism

Patriotism, what is it really?
What does this term entail?

It's almost Merdeka again. Our Independence Day.
- flags are flying everywhere and competitions are held to remind us to be patriotic, love our country, love the land where we were born, where the blood of our ancestors are spilt.
Many common ancestors too I would like to mention, since quite a few of us have had our blood mixed about quite a bit.

Patriotism
To different people, it may mean different things.
To me, it means wanting to do something for your country.
But I seem to have a problem in discovering the 'What'.
What can I do for my country? What am I - puny, tiny, insignificant me - capable of doing for my country?
I'm not as smart as some of our leaders or other great minds,
I'm not as PR savvy as the lobbyists or Public Relations Officers,
I'm not as disciplined or capable in combat like those protecting our country in the front lines,
and I'm not as brave as those who stood up in front of tear gas to promote their feelings of wanting positive change for the country.

So what can I do within my capabilities to serve my country? To make a change?

I gave it a semi-conscious think while I was drifting off to sleep earlier,
and I think I found what's holding me back.
- not the "what I can do" unfortunately, but the "what is holding me back"

It's fear.

Fear of the unknown, of the consequences of speaking up.
But then those who speak up, how many of them know what are they actually speaking up about?

My greatest fear, is standing up for something I'm not sure is right or wrong.
My greatest fear, is getting lost in a screaming mob, clamoring for something I'm not sure I believe in, or do not fully understand about.
I suppose in some ways, that makes me a coward.
But there's too much to lose.
There is and always will be, too much to lose.

I am patriotic.
I love my country, it has given me so many chances, so many opportunities and luxuries.
But it has also withheld from me what the citizens of other countries would call basic liberties.
- The freedom of speech - To really speak their mind.
- The right to protest and assemble peacefully.

Questions flood my mind. What is right, what is wrong.
How do I contribute?

To different people, 'Patriotism' has a different meaning.
But to me, it means finding my own way of contributing what I can to my country, to my people, to make this country better than it can be.

Until I find my way.

Negaraku, Malaysia.