爱
快乐
说了离开那一刻
决心下了
泪流了
自以为坚强
离开了
还是那样
一样的问候
一样的温柔
一样的从容
甚至一样的称呼
我接受不到的：一样的话题
双方都在痛
何必呢？
都离开了……
复合了
相爱了
是吗？
都一样吗？
不想想太多
舒服就好
Words
Saturday, December 4, 2010
无聊的
今天和一位朋友谈下谈下，突然又想起了我好多年前的他。
他……不懂要怎么说他。他就是他。他是我的过去。可是没有他，我就不也会学会珍惜现在的他。
没有现在的他，我也不会享受了这么久的幸福。
对，我和分手了一个月半的他复合了。
一直觉得那些分了又合合了又分的人很烦。所以索性把fb的relationship status拿掉了。费事别人问这么多。只告诉了几个好姐妹和几个不小心让他们碰见的朋友。
回到好多年前的他，突然想，我是否应该找回他。和他谈下天。讨论一下大家过得怎样。可是坦白那句，我其实不是很想知道，也没有说特别的关心。也许是心魔作祟吧……坏心肠的心魔……;p
有一个很爱你的人是幸福的。吧。
他……不懂要怎么说他。他就是他。他是我的过去。可是没有他，我就不也会学会珍惜现在的他。
没有现在的他，我也不会享受了这么久的幸福。
对，我和分手了一个月半的他复合了。
一直觉得那些分了又合合了又分的人很烦。所以索性把fb的relationship status拿掉了。费事别人问这么多。只告诉了几个好姐妹和几个不小心让他们碰见的朋友。
回到好多年前的他，突然想，我是否应该找回他。和他谈下天。讨论一下大家过得怎样。可是坦白那句，我其实不是很想知道，也没有说特别的关心。也许是心魔作祟吧……坏心肠的心魔……;p
有一个很爱你的人是幸福的。吧。
Thursday, November 11, 2010
失眠了
今晚失眠了。
离开你快要有1个月的时间了…我们的相处方式变了。可是你对我方否没有变。
你还是习惯性把我给宠坏了。还是习惯性的天天找我，在我不舒服时心疼我，在我有需要是关心我。
我一直在想，我方任你继续宠我会不会总有1天会再次伤害到大家……一直想完完全全地离开……可是当我告诉你的时候，你却不以为意的继续宠我
今天你没有找我
你好久没有不找我了
突然不习惯了
所以失眠了（也有可能是喝太多绿茶的关系）
在想，你在做什么？
今天考试如何？
很忙吗？
不舒服吗？
可是我不找你。因为我不想我们之间变得太复杂。
干刚看了你的涂鸦墙，
“两人分手后多年
在一个城市不期而遇
男：“你好吗?”
女：“好”
男：“他好吗?”
女：“好”
女：“你好吗?”
男：“好”
女：“她好吗?”
男：“她刚才告诉我她很好”
這就是我最喜歡の愛情故事
很短.......
卻很美........
你明白了嗎?........”
我在我的涂鸦墙上写着，“我明白了”。
可是，可是，可是，太多可是了……
离开你快要有1个月的时间了…我们的相处方式变了。可是你对我方否没有变。
你还是习惯性把我给宠坏了。还是习惯性的天天找我，在我不舒服时心疼我，在我有需要是关心我。
我一直在想，我方任你继续宠我会不会总有1天会再次伤害到大家……一直想完完全全地离开……可是当我告诉你的时候，你却不以为意的继续宠我
今天你没有找我
你好久没有不找我了
突然不习惯了
所以失眠了（也有可能是喝太多绿茶的关系）
在想，你在做什么？
今天考试如何？
很忙吗？
不舒服吗？
可是我不找你。因为我不想我们之间变得太复杂。
干刚看了你的涂鸦墙，
“两人分手后多年
在一个城市不期而遇
男：“你好吗?”
女：“好”
男：“他好吗?”
女：“好”
女：“你好吗?”
男：“好”
女：“她好吗?”
男：“她刚才告诉我她很好”
這就是我最喜歡の愛情故事
很短.......
卻很美........
你明白了嗎?........”
我在我的涂鸦墙上写着，“我明白了”。
可是，可是，可是，太多可是了……
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
一首歌，2个人的心
今天，你说这首歌很适合我们，你说你终于想通了。我很开心，因为你不会再让自己太难过，也很开心因为你明白了我不是不爱你…只是我们已走到尽头…
不懂你几时才会再观光这个布拉格，可是我把这首歌改了，让它变成我们的歌……
从来没想过不能再和你牵手
委屈时候没有你陪着我心痛
我要的不是你会偶尔给我的感动
而是你一直陪在我身旁
我们彼此还是相爱着
虽然分开的理由我们都已接受
彼此心里都是很难过
所以即使到最后还微笑着假装坚强
我们都还放不下彼此
才会在离开时闭着眼装作不懂
我们都知道彼此心中
其实这份爱没停过
曾经完整幸福的梦在脑海里头
我多希望你还在我左右
我们都会好好过
不让这些眼泪白流
看着这个MV让我想起了你第一次牵我的手的时候……眼睛湿湿的…还记得我们的汉堡包牵手方式…你的手在我的腰的感觉…可是大家在一起久了，你再也不自动牵我的手…不抱我的腰…我也没有再汉堡包式的牵你的手…你给了我别的温柔，很多的感动，可是我们忘了最基本的东西……
在一起2年半了…你以为我舍得吗？可是我知道这个选择是对的…所以我要坚持到底…如果我们还有缘的话就会再续的吧？
不懂你几时才会再观光这个布拉格，可是我把这首歌改了，让它变成我们的歌……
从来没想过不能再和你牵手
委屈时候没有你陪着我心痛
我要的不是你会偶尔给我的感动
而是你一直陪在我身旁
我们彼此还是相爱着
虽然分开的理由我们都已接受
彼此心里都是很难过
所以即使到最后还微笑着假装坚强
我们都还放不下彼此
才会在离开时闭着眼装作不懂
我们都知道彼此心中
其实这份爱没停过
曾经完整幸福的梦在脑海里头
我多希望你还在我左右
我们都会好好过
不让这些眼泪白流
看着这个MV让我想起了你第一次牵我的手的时候……眼睛湿湿的…还记得我们的汉堡包牵手方式…你的手在我的腰的感觉…可是大家在一起久了，你再也不自动牵我的手…不抱我的腰…我也没有再汉堡包式的牵你的手…你给了我别的温柔，很多的感动，可是我们忘了最基本的东西……
在一起2年半了…你以为我舍得吗？可是我知道这个选择是对的…所以我要坚持到底…如果我们还有缘的话就会再续的吧？
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The world of drawings~~~
Wow...i haven written anything in so long...but i juz felt so strongly about this but couldn't go kya with anyone so could oni gush here...haix...
feel so lonely....there's no one here as crazy as manga as i am...there's a potential, but i'm not sure if she likes wat i like...
I'm crazy for manga and the more i read them, the more i find my self immersed in their world...I was always a person who's easily carried by the current, that's y manga and anime carries me so far. What can i say? I'm a sucker for great plots and smexy graphics...~^.^~
I rmb when i first started watching Gensomaden Saiyuki. I was in primary skul and went gaga over it when i saw it in animax. It was perfect for me, it was set in the olden days, the guys were cute and there were sad undercurrents lurking everywhere. what hooked me more was that they were linked by their past lives. and when i found out that the 3 of them sacrificed their lives for Goku in their past lives (note: they were IMMORTAL gods who were BEATEN to death.) i juz went "wow..." and cried.
Yesterday, i found Saiyuki Gaiden, a spinoff about their lives in heaven before they became humans. i think i've come across this some yrs ago, but didn't read it for some reason (it's a manga), so i went gaga again and downloaded the whole thing to read tonite.^^
I just got to the part where Goku looked at Konzen and said "wow...u're shining...juz like the sun..." when i got really emotional...because even in their human lives, Sanzo (Konzen's) reincarnation was Goku's sun.
Haix...i wish there was someone i could gush about this with~~~~T.T
feel so lonely....there's no one here as crazy as manga as i am...there's a potential, but i'm not sure if she likes wat i like...
I'm crazy for manga and the more i read them, the more i find my self immersed in their world...I was always a person who's easily carried by the current, that's y manga and anime carries me so far. What can i say? I'm a sucker for great plots and smexy graphics...~^.^~
I rmb when i first started watching Gensomaden Saiyuki. I was in primary skul and went gaga over it when i saw it in animax. It was perfect for me, it was set in the olden days, the guys were cute and there were sad undercurrents lurking everywhere. what hooked me more was that they were linked by their past lives. and when i found out that the 3 of them sacrificed their lives for Goku in their past lives (note: they were IMMORTAL gods who were BEATEN to death.) i juz went "wow..." and cried.
Yesterday, i found Saiyuki Gaiden, a spinoff about their lives in heaven before they became humans. i think i've come across this some yrs ago, but didn't read it for some reason (it's a manga), so i went gaga again and downloaded the whole thing to read tonite.^^
I just got to the part where Goku looked at Konzen and said "wow...u're shining...juz like the sun..." when i got really emotional...because even in their human lives, Sanzo (Konzen's) reincarnation was Goku's sun.
Haix...i wish there was someone i could gush about this with~~~~T.T
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Like cockroaches
Sometimes, you open your eyes and today seems much better than yesterday; but sometimes, it doesn't.
DOes everyone know what they want in life? Truly? Or do they all just hang on for the sake of hanging on? Do we lie to ourselves when things get confusing and complicated just because we do not want to face the truth? It differs from person to person i guess.
The fear of disappointment is sometimes so great that people just rather keep lying to themselves, or when faced with what they fear most: run. SOmetimes i wonder, would it be better to not have expectations at all? Or would it be better to learn the hard way and deal with all the disappointments in life. With 20 just around the corner, i reckon it's about time i learn to be more independent and mature. SOmetimes, you are forced to realise that no one is really waiting for you behind you. When you fall, there will be more laughing faces than caring hands. And those who say they love you, are more often than not, those who disappoint you the most.
One of my biggest flaws is that i put too much of myself into my relationships. And when people don't react to my true friendship the way i thought they would, i get heartbroken. Stupid really. Everyone is different. There is no law governing that people must love you as much as you love them. How many hearts have you broken? Maybe all the disappointment you're getting now is retribution; for all the times you disappointed others.
THere is a fear in me. A growing fear gnawing at me. What is she does not feel the same way too? Am i setting myself up for disappointment again? But then and again, you never know. THis might be the tree i've been waiting for. THat one seed that will grow into a lovely strong tree.
In the end, the fear is in all of us. But has that ever stopped any of us from hoping or trying? No. Because luckily, humans were born with an abundance of bravery and just like cockroaches, we can never be defeated.
DOes everyone know what they want in life? Truly? Or do they all just hang on for the sake of hanging on? Do we lie to ourselves when things get confusing and complicated just because we do not want to face the truth? It differs from person to person i guess.
The fear of disappointment is sometimes so great that people just rather keep lying to themselves, or when faced with what they fear most: run. SOmetimes i wonder, would it be better to not have expectations at all? Or would it be better to learn the hard way and deal with all the disappointments in life. With 20 just around the corner, i reckon it's about time i learn to be more independent and mature. SOmetimes, you are forced to realise that no one is really waiting for you behind you. When you fall, there will be more laughing faces than caring hands. And those who say they love you, are more often than not, those who disappoint you the most.
One of my biggest flaws is that i put too much of myself into my relationships. And when people don't react to my true friendship the way i thought they would, i get heartbroken. Stupid really. Everyone is different. There is no law governing that people must love you as much as you love them. How many hearts have you broken? Maybe all the disappointment you're getting now is retribution; for all the times you disappointed others.
THere is a fear in me. A growing fear gnawing at me. What is she does not feel the same way too? Am i setting myself up for disappointment again? But then and again, you never know. THis might be the tree i've been waiting for. THat one seed that will grow into a lovely strong tree.
In the end, the fear is in all of us. But has that ever stopped any of us from hoping or trying? No. Because luckily, humans were born with an abundance of bravery and just like cockroaches, we can never be defeated.
Friday, July 30, 2010
开心哦！
这几天过得还蛮快乐的。觉得自己很幸运^^
很冒险的对大家唐开了心房，换回来的是大家的包容和体谅。真得很开心认识到这班朋友。
他们不会嫌我小孩子，不会说我爱粘人，就算说的时候也只是开玩笑。
他们会在自己做错事情的时候道歉，会在我不开心的时候坐下来听我发狂，会在我被怪叔叔骚扰的时候叫我怎样应对，回家时会等我，去夜市会预我，吃饭会叫我，看戏也会预我，最重要的是，他们会把我的缺点告诉我，不是责骂，不是责怪，而是让我知道。
在学校有一班好朋友陪我玩到癫，也有人给我当抱枕。在这个家有人帮我下载游戏，让我对她撒娇，有空可以吵闹下，闷了可以爬去她房间骚扰她。在自己的家，有重于山的靠山，永远的支持我，偶尔烦下我。在另一个小岛，有一个人，他属于我，我属于他。
突然觉得自己很幸福很幸运，很开心可以和大家打成一片，很开心自己被接受了。
重来就习惯孤单的我，真的很开心，也许，我真的有靠岸了……而且还是很多个。哈哈哈哈哈哈～～～
很冒险的对大家唐开了心房，换回来的是大家的包容和体谅。真得很开心认识到这班朋友。
他们不会嫌我小孩子，不会说我爱粘人，就算说的时候也只是开玩笑。
他们会在自己做错事情的时候道歉，会在我不开心的时候坐下来听我发狂，会在我被怪叔叔骚扰的时候叫我怎样应对，回家时会等我，去夜市会预我，吃饭会叫我，看戏也会预我，最重要的是，他们会把我的缺点告诉我，不是责骂，不是责怪，而是让我知道。
在学校有一班好朋友陪我玩到癫，也有人给我当抱枕。在这个家有人帮我下载游戏，让我对她撒娇，有空可以吵闹下，闷了可以爬去她房间骚扰她。在自己的家，有重于山的靠山，永远的支持我，偶尔烦下我。在另一个小岛，有一个人，他属于我，我属于他。
突然觉得自己很幸福很幸运，很开心可以和大家打成一片，很开心自己被接受了。
重来就习惯孤单的我，真的很开心，也许，我真的有靠岸了……而且还是很多个。哈哈哈哈哈哈～～～
Thursday, July 22, 2010
growing up~
Recently i feel like i've grown up.
I"m not as childish as i was ( i think) and i can handle things better.
By things i mean human relations. Though no doubt i need to improve, still, there has been a vast improvement compared to my previous attitude.
When i was having a conversation with my frenz the other day, they mentioned that if i keep cooperating with tough groupmates, when i leave UTAR, i will no doubt have a very high EQ. I hope so too. Seeing that i have gained quite a lot of EQ in just half a semester, i think my EQ will have reached a sky high level by the time i graduate in 3 years.
Being "grown up" has its perks and downsides. Some of the perks are that you will not feel compelled to scream at people so much and you can resolve issues in a diplomatic way. Some of the downsides are that you will feel that your turning into a stone or a mannequin. You are wearing a mask of politeness in a sea of people. All the while wearing a slight smile on your face and giving brief nods of your head, while inside you're screaming for them to notice the real you trapped inside.
However, no matter how many perks or downsides there are, growing up is a required phase in everyone's life. No one can stay a child forever. No matter how much you want to keep yourself innocent and from turning into one of those mask-wearing freak-shows you hate so much, somehow or another, you'll eventually have to face the facts: that you can't survive in this world without a mask to protect yourself.
There is a way to keep yourself from turning into a complete block of stone however; the key lies in the company you keep. If there is someone next to you whom you can trust or at the very least, that you feel comfortable enough with to confide in, you're saved. Keep your mask for a raining day and smile with the one's you can smile freely with.
A recent event made me realize that i've grown up. But it's not an event i'm happy about. The hurt of being charged with a crime i did not commit is more than i am willing to put up with, more than i am capable of putting up with. Being called a tyrant in not so few words was shocking. After shedding a few tears, i contemplated whether that person was right. Although that person might not have realized i was hurt, s/he did touch a nerve and hence got me thinking. Am i really pushing them too hard? Do i seem like i'm so laid back all the time? That assignments and exams are a breeze to me? No. I do not think so. I work every bit as hard as all the rest of them and it is not warranted for someone to deny me by saying they have a heavier workload than i do.
Thinking about it, the old me would have blown off the roof top; so pissed that i would have fallen into a depression. However, now, i am merely waiting for an apology; for that person to realize the unjust accusation s/he made. I will let it lie for now. At such a crucial stage when everyone is trying their best not to drown.
But letting it lie does not mean i do not care; it does not mean i'm not hurt. If i was truly understood the way i thought i was, this misunderstanding would never have had happened. My sensitivity is sometimes more than anyone can hope to comprehend. I do not wish to command everyone to bid by my will, i merely ask for consideration. For i may be grown up. But i am fragile within. I am not as tough as i look. And unfortunately, very few realize that...
I"m not as childish as i was ( i think) and i can handle things better.
By things i mean human relations. Though no doubt i need to improve, still, there has been a vast improvement compared to my previous attitude.
When i was having a conversation with my frenz the other day, they mentioned that if i keep cooperating with tough groupmates, when i leave UTAR, i will no doubt have a very high EQ. I hope so too. Seeing that i have gained quite a lot of EQ in just half a semester, i think my EQ will have reached a sky high level by the time i graduate in 3 years.
Being "grown up" has its perks and downsides. Some of the perks are that you will not feel compelled to scream at people so much and you can resolve issues in a diplomatic way. Some of the downsides are that you will feel that your turning into a stone or a mannequin. You are wearing a mask of politeness in a sea of people. All the while wearing a slight smile on your face and giving brief nods of your head, while inside you're screaming for them to notice the real you trapped inside.
However, no matter how many perks or downsides there are, growing up is a required phase in everyone's life. No one can stay a child forever. No matter how much you want to keep yourself innocent and from turning into one of those mask-wearing freak-shows you hate so much, somehow or another, you'll eventually have to face the facts: that you can't survive in this world without a mask to protect yourself.
There is a way to keep yourself from turning into a complete block of stone however; the key lies in the company you keep. If there is someone next to you whom you can trust or at the very least, that you feel comfortable enough with to confide in, you're saved. Keep your mask for a raining day and smile with the one's you can smile freely with.
A recent event made me realize that i've grown up. But it's not an event i'm happy about. The hurt of being charged with a crime i did not commit is more than i am willing to put up with, more than i am capable of putting up with. Being called a tyrant in not so few words was shocking. After shedding a few tears, i contemplated whether that person was right. Although that person might not have realized i was hurt, s/he did touch a nerve and hence got me thinking. Am i really pushing them too hard? Do i seem like i'm so laid back all the time? That assignments and exams are a breeze to me? No. I do not think so. I work every bit as hard as all the rest of them and it is not warranted for someone to deny me by saying they have a heavier workload than i do.
Thinking about it, the old me would have blown off the roof top; so pissed that i would have fallen into a depression. However, now, i am merely waiting for an apology; for that person to realize the unjust accusation s/he made. I will let it lie for now. At such a crucial stage when everyone is trying their best not to drown.
But letting it lie does not mean i do not care; it does not mean i'm not hurt. If i was truly understood the way i thought i was, this misunderstanding would never have had happened. My sensitivity is sometimes more than anyone can hope to comprehend. I do not wish to command everyone to bid by my will, i merely ask for consideration. For i may be grown up. But i am fragile within. I am not as tough as i look. And unfortunately, very few realize that...
Monday, July 12, 2010
命运～
我相信命运，相信缘分。
曾经有人对我说过“人定胜天”，不懂当时他是真的相信还是在开玩笑。现在想起，已经不重要，因为他一生最爱的人不是我。可是也许我们大家都得到报应了。我任性的报应是为了他伤心了3年。他的报应是不能得到他最爱的人。公平吗？我已经move on了，他呢？还是停顿在那儿。因果报应，我是不会可怜你的。
回到正题，我相信缘分。
那天我有刷任性，要你留下来陪我。我知道是为难了你…可是我不喜欢伪装，明明就想念你想念到快受不了了…为什么还要我装笑…对不起，做不到。眼泪就有，你要不要？
在大庭广众谈判，还得我真的差点哭了…也看得出你其实也很难受。我知道你爱我…看到我的眼泪一流你就慌张起来的。亲爱的，我会记得你说的那一句“老公很爱你的”。
我原本以为缘分已尽，不想在伤害大家，可是在火车站那竟然有奇迹。^^那一刻我真的好开心好开心！因为我相信那是我们的命运。因为那个奇迹，你留下来了。
已经不必多说。谢谢你，你让我再次看到你有多么的疼爱我，多么的心疼我，多么的关心我，多么的爱我。
谢谢你让我找到了继续的勇气和理由。
老公，我爱你~^.^~
是命运让我们在一起的^^
曾经有人对我说过“人定胜天”，不懂当时他是真的相信还是在开玩笑。现在想起，已经不重要，因为他一生最爱的人不是我。可是也许我们大家都得到报应了。我任性的报应是为了他伤心了3年。他的报应是不能得到他最爱的人。公平吗？我已经move on了，他呢？还是停顿在那儿。因果报应，我是不会可怜你的。
回到正题，我相信缘分。
那天我有刷任性，要你留下来陪我。我知道是为难了你…可是我不喜欢伪装，明明就想念你想念到快受不了了…为什么还要我装笑…对不起，做不到。眼泪就有，你要不要？
在大庭广众谈判，还得我真的差点哭了…也看得出你其实也很难受。我知道你爱我…看到我的眼泪一流你就慌张起来的。亲爱的，我会记得你说的那一句“老公很爱你的”。
我原本以为缘分已尽，不想在伤害大家，可是在火车站那竟然有奇迹。^^那一刻我真的好开心好开心！因为我相信那是我们的命运。因为那个奇迹，你留下来了。
已经不必多说。谢谢你，你让我再次看到你有多么的疼爱我，多么的心疼我，多么的关心我，多么的爱我。
谢谢你让我找到了继续的勇气和理由。
老公，我爱你~^.^~
是命运让我们在一起的^^
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Me
I am who you want me to be.
I am who you need me to be.
I am who you will never be.
I am who you are.
I am the voice inside your head.
I am the thought that keeps you awake.
I am the memory you can't erase.
I am the one whom you love.
I am the one whom you hate.
I am the warmth that you crave.
I am the sweet kiss that keeps you up at night.
I am the one you can't have.
I am the only one you want.
I am the only one you need.
I am who you think i am.
I am who you think i'm not.
Ask yourself, do you really know me?
Do you really understand me?
Do you know what i want?
Do you know what i need?
Do you know how i feel at night? Everynight...
Do you know how i feel in the day?
Do you know what i like?
Do you know what i hate?
DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME?
Do you know how to love me?
DO you know what's best for me when i do not even know what is best for myself?
Do you read what i write?
DO you care what i write about?
Do you care about me?
Do you know i hate to eat alone?
Do you know i need warmth?
Do you know i want to know that you care?
Do you know that i never used to like to smile?
Do you know that smiling once made me want to cry?
Can you see the true feelings behind my eyes?
Can you see me?
Can you see me? Do you see me?
I can't be the person you want me to be.
but i will try to be the person you need me to be.
I am nobody but...ME.
I am who you need me to be.
I am who you will never be.
I am who you are.
I am the voice inside your head.
I am the thought that keeps you awake.
I am the memory you can't erase.
I am the one whom you love.
I am the one whom you hate.
I am the warmth that you crave.
I am the sweet kiss that keeps you up at night.
I am the one you can't have.
I am the only one you want.
I am the only one you need.
I am who you think i am.
I am who you think i'm not.
Ask yourself, do you really know me?
Do you really understand me?
Do you know what i want?
Do you know what i need?
Do you know how i feel at night? Everynight...
Do you know how i feel in the day?
Do you know what i like?
Do you know what i hate?
DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME?
Do you know how to love me?
DO you know what's best for me when i do not even know what is best for myself?
Do you read what i write?
DO you care what i write about?
Do you care about me?
Do you know i hate to eat alone?
Do you know i need warmth?
Do you know i want to know that you care?
Do you know that i never used to like to smile?
Do you know that smiling once made me want to cry?
Can you see the true feelings behind my eyes?
Can you see me?
Can you see me? Do you see me?
I can't be the person you want me to be.
but i will try to be the person you need me to be.
I am nobody but...ME.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
blab...
It's a rainy day today...has been so cold since this morning...i wonder why the clouds won't lift....it's making my mood sink as well....
Someone commented that i've dark circles under my eyes yesterday...i haven't been sleeping well these few days...if it's not insomnia then it's because i wanted to cherish a hard earned break and enjoy a movie.
I contemplated the cost of freedom yesterday. Don't really hv a conclusion yet, but the price of freedom sure is high. When you receive freedom, you'll also receive loneliness. But is it any different from everyday life?
Like it or not, we all live in a cage. A cage of self doubt, mistrust, uncertainty, hostility, and feigned politeness and smiles. Everyday, we pass our lives in this cage, forced to be civil, forced to function when all you want to do is to curl up in someone's arms and hide...If you're lucky, you'll find people who understand you, understand why sometimes you smile and sometimes you don't, someone who understands why sometimes you look so lonely and the hidden hurt behind your eyes...someone who will understand that all you want, is to be wanted.
On this cold day, i have nothing more to say...
Someone commented that i've dark circles under my eyes yesterday...i haven't been sleeping well these few days...if it's not insomnia then it's because i wanted to cherish a hard earned break and enjoy a movie.
I contemplated the cost of freedom yesterday. Don't really hv a conclusion yet, but the price of freedom sure is high. When you receive freedom, you'll also receive loneliness. But is it any different from everyday life?
Like it or not, we all live in a cage. A cage of self doubt, mistrust, uncertainty, hostility, and feigned politeness and smiles. Everyday, we pass our lives in this cage, forced to be civil, forced to function when all you want to do is to curl up in someone's arms and hide...If you're lucky, you'll find people who understand you, understand why sometimes you smile and sometimes you don't, someone who understands why sometimes you look so lonely and the hidden hurt behind your eyes...someone who will understand that all you want, is to be wanted.
On this cold day, i have nothing more to say...
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Handsome Guys~~
Today i'm gonna go a piece on Handsome Guys.
Usually handsome=hot, sometimes it also =sexy.
I've kinda been in contact with some handsome guys lately, the handsome+alluring type, so have been gaining more and more interest in them. Let's called the Handsome+Alluring type the HA type, Handsome+Sexy type the HS type and the Handsome+Hot type the HH type. I just feel like digging their brains and seeing what life is like for them....Anyway,
Nw these HA Types are usually nice guys. I mean reli nice guys. Their frenz with all the girls and are always friendly, even when they're not friendly, they're polite. I currently have 3 HA Types around me and just saw another one on FB. HA Types make good frenz for girls and because of their popularity with the opposite sex, always create panic and jealously for their partners and usually strike the self-esteem of normal guys around him.
The HA Type are usually single, even if they're attached, you can never tell. It's not that they want to intentionally keep it a secret (i think), it's more to that they do not realize that by being a HA Type, they are actually like a flame, and most girls become the moths. This is a very nice warm flame, it attracts you and invites you, but repels you at the same time. Conclusion, HA Types are nice to see nice to hold, just don't fall in love with them. Unless you have a resilient heart and can stand seeing all those moths circle him like vultures.
Nw let's move on to the HH Type. The HH Type are untouchables, because they are usually attached, if not to a vry pretty girl that will hit ur self esteem when u look at her, then it'll be to a below normal range girl who will make you want to claw at your hair and scream at the sky: "Why~~~~~!!!!!" The HH Type will normally be a bit stand-offish. He prefers to keep away from girl trouble and is loyal enough to his girl, (although there are always exceptions).My take on the HH Type is, nice to see tough to hold, want to have him? Be a beauty queen or there'll be ppl lurking behind bushes waiting to pounce on you.
Next is the HS Type. The best examples of this type are Rain and TaeYang. I've recently been focusing more on TaeYang, so i'l use him as an example. HS Types are usually unobtainable; unless you're Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox or in this case, a super hot Korean singer or actress (sorry, i'm not familiar with them).HS Types mostly appear on the TV screen or on a poster. They're those who have spent a lot and a lot of money and time to make themselves look that way. Some of them are sexy because they have special talents, both Rain and TaeYang can sing and dance. Rain likes to take his shirt off and show off those abs of his while TaeYang shows us his manly curves with his smooth dancing moves.
As i've mentioned before, HS Types are usually unobtainable, but if you do happen to own one, please take good care of him and take as many pictures as you can, because you never know what might happen tomorrow.
With all that said, the criteria for the ideal guy should not only focus on their face and all those other manly bits you would like him to have. The thing that matters most in the end is what's inside. I'm not saying that the HA Type, HH Type and the HS Type of guys do not have inner beauty, i'm just saying that we need to be realistic. While it's okay to drool over them, it's best to aim for what is obtainable, and what that is most important.
Usually handsome=hot, sometimes it also =sexy.
I've kinda been in contact with some handsome guys lately, the handsome+alluring type, so have been gaining more and more interest in them. Let's called the Handsome+Alluring type the HA type, Handsome+Sexy type the HS type and the Handsome+Hot type the HH type. I just feel like digging their brains and seeing what life is like for them....Anyway,
Nw these HA Types are usually nice guys. I mean reli nice guys. Their frenz with all the girls and are always friendly, even when they're not friendly, they're polite. I currently have 3 HA Types around me and just saw another one on FB. HA Types make good frenz for girls and because of their popularity with the opposite sex, always create panic and jealously for their partners and usually strike the self-esteem of normal guys around him.
The HA Type are usually single, even if they're attached, you can never tell. It's not that they want to intentionally keep it a secret (i think), it's more to that they do not realize that by being a HA Type, they are actually like a flame, and most girls become the moths. This is a very nice warm flame, it attracts you and invites you, but repels you at the same time. Conclusion, HA Types are nice to see nice to hold, just don't fall in love with them. Unless you have a resilient heart and can stand seeing all those moths circle him like vultures.
Nw let's move on to the HH Type. The HH Type are untouchables, because they are usually attached, if not to a vry pretty girl that will hit ur self esteem when u look at her, then it'll be to a below normal range girl who will make you want to claw at your hair and scream at the sky: "Why~~~~~!!!!!" The HH Type will normally be a bit stand-offish. He prefers to keep away from girl trouble and is loyal enough to his girl, (although there are always exceptions).My take on the HH Type is, nice to see tough to hold, want to have him? Be a beauty queen or there'll be ppl lurking behind bushes waiting to pounce on you.
Next is the HS Type. The best examples of this type are Rain and TaeYang. I've recently been focusing more on TaeYang, so i'l use him as an example. HS Types are usually unobtainable; unless you're Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox or in this case, a super hot Korean singer or actress (sorry, i'm not familiar with them).HS Types mostly appear on the TV screen or on a poster. They're those who have spent a lot and a lot of money and time to make themselves look that way. Some of them are sexy because they have special talents, both Rain and TaeYang can sing and dance. Rain likes to take his shirt off and show off those abs of his while TaeYang shows us his manly curves with his smooth dancing moves.
As i've mentioned before, HS Types are usually unobtainable, but if you do happen to own one, please take good care of him and take as many pictures as you can, because you never know what might happen tomorrow.
With all that said, the criteria for the ideal guy should not only focus on their face and all those other manly bits you would like him to have. The thing that matters most in the end is what's inside. I'm not saying that the HA Type, HH Type and the HS Type of guys do not have inner beauty, i'm just saying that we need to be realistic. While it's okay to drool over them, it's best to aim for what is obtainable, and what that is most important.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
me
I feel like piece by piece, i'm losing myself...
I always find myself wondering, who am i? Why am i behaving like this?
I smile and laugh like a lunatic everyday, but when the laughter stops, i wonder, why am i acting this way?
Yes, i am happy with some of my friends. But do i hv to make a fool out of myself? Am i doing it to make myself happy or to satisfy other ppl?
I used to be a cool sort of person. When i don't talk, i'm scary. I've accepted that part of myself, but now, i feel like i've changed so much.
I'm always perky and happy and laughing, my frenz think i'm lk sunshine, but am i?
The final question is, what am i really? Am i a cool person? Am i happy? Am i perky?
Haix....i can't find myself anymore.....
I always find myself wondering, who am i? Why am i behaving like this?
I smile and laugh like a lunatic everyday, but when the laughter stops, i wonder, why am i acting this way?
Yes, i am happy with some of my friends. But do i hv to make a fool out of myself? Am i doing it to make myself happy or to satisfy other ppl?
I used to be a cool sort of person. When i don't talk, i'm scary. I've accepted that part of myself, but now, i feel like i've changed so much.
I'm always perky and happy and laughing, my frenz think i'm lk sunshine, but am i?
The final question is, what am i really? Am i a cool person? Am i happy? Am i perky?
Haix....i can't find myself anymore.....
Musical
这几天超忙的。可是觉得好值得哦！当你在台上尽力演出而得到观众的认同时，那感觉真的超棒的！！！那种成就感真的很爽！！！完了以后有种想哭的感觉，在练习进行时，大家真的很像一个大家庭。一起笑一起疯，一起中骂，一起努力，一起熬夜，一起投诉，一起头痛。现在event完了，大家都各走个的了，虽然在学校还是会有见面，可是也不是大家都能见面……而且我在怀疑，我们再见面时，还会像现在感情这么好吗？
在这个musical里面认识了几位好友，也有欣赏的对象。觉得有专长的人真的很厉害^^希望于这些人永远都是朋友^^也认识了很多很有大姐姐感觉的人，和在一起感觉很舒服的人。
以后一定会多参加这些event^^
在这个musical里面认识了几位好友，也有欣赏的对象。觉得有专长的人真的很厉害^^希望于这些人永远都是朋友^^也认识了很多很有大姐姐感觉的人，和在一起感觉很舒服的人。
以后一定会多参加这些event^^
Friday, June 25, 2010
你能原谅吗？
Have been so busy these past few days, with the musical drama n all the assignments. Although it has been hectic, joining the Musical seems to be quite a good choice though. I've met so many incredible and interesting ppl.Some of them just crack me up...;p
Another plus is that i've learnt hw to dance^^ well...a little bit...;p to the song Wedding Dress. I've juz learnt the basics, but just feeling lk i'm able to dance makes me so happy...^^ That's y i admire those who can dance so much.^^
在这几天认识了很多新朋友，和一些朋友的感情好了，和别的却没有变。应该说就像以前那样一样的表面性吧……我觉得做朋友就应该要快乐，近来我都蛮快乐的。天天都在狂笑，很少有时间去想自己是否真正的快乐，因为那不重要，重要的是我有在笑。那就好了。怎么突然那么消沉了呢？；p
其实今天想要介绍两首歌，第一首是罗志祥的“爱不单行”。 里面有一句"爱只有简单笔画，却比想象复杂，恨安定爱变化” 有时时候真的会觉得人是很犯贱的，有了一样稳定的东西就不会去珍惜，总爱觉得人家的更好。这其实不一定是一件坏事，因为人要这样才会有进步。可是有时候旁观者不得不觉得那个人是个大白痴。为什么不去珍惜自己所有的呢？
有的人跑了，会回头，那还不算太糟糕，可是你有没有想过你把别人抛弃了，而去追求别的人，别的事，对被抛弃的是会造成多么大的伤害的吗？
如果你很爱一个人，可是她突然抛弃你，而去追求别的人了，可能那个还是一个对她没有感觉的人，你会不心痛吗？两个人在一起好好的，突然她说要离开，你会不恨吗？到时她伤透了，想透了，回头了，你还会要她吗？她背叛了你，出卖了你，为什么你还会想要和她在一起呢？你会原谅她吗？你能原谅她吗？
换个角度，你贪新鲜，觉得不能拥有的比在怀中的好，所以你任性的离开了。离开后，才发现原来你原以为完美的一切原来一直就在你身旁，是你把他给抛弃了。你又能原谅你自己吗？白痴的你做了白痴的事，你还有面子回头吗？你还能回头吗？
人是不可能不犯错的。可是有些措是不能犯的，因为这些错往往在发生了以后就不能回头的了。他会变成你心中永远的一个遗憾。所以在做出这种事情前，请考虑清楚你的所作所为会带来的后果。因为是真的，你一做错了，就没有的回头的了。任性是有代价的。
第2首歌是Big Bang的 Wedding Dress.因为超累的……所以下次有空的时候再的讨论这首歌。歌词在此，不好意识因为找不到华语的……~^.^~
I would argue
Then you would cry
As you’re struggling, I would only get stronger
My heartaches behind these shadows
My face brightens up as I see your smile
I worry that you might notice my feelings
And I get scared that the gap between us would widen
I hold my breath
Then I bite my lips
Then I pray that she would leave his side.Baby, please don’t hold those hands
Cuz you should be my lady
Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.
Once the music ends, you’ll be with him forever
I prayed and prayed that this day wouldn’t come
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
You, who never understood my feelings
Because of that, I ended up despising you
Then I wished a misfortune upon you
But now, my eyes are dry
I try to talk to you but I realized that I’m alone
Every night, I would look back and think
If I already knew the results
Then I close my eyes
Then I dream an endless dream
Then I pray she would leave his side.
Baby, please don’t hold those hands
Cuz you should be my lady
Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.
Once the music ends, you’ll be with him forever
I prayed and prayed that this day wouldn’t come
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
By all means, be happy with him
So I can move on
Please erase me out of your heart
Although I tried my best but, no oh~
I’ve been living the lies for too long
Yet, she would look at me and smile.
(From http://www.dramaplot.com/korean-news/lyrics-tae-yang-%E2%80%93-wedding-dress-kor-rom-eng.html)
Another plus is that i've learnt hw to dance^^ well...a little bit...;p to the song Wedding Dress. I've juz learnt the basics, but just feeling lk i'm able to dance makes me so happy...^^ That's y i admire those who can dance so much.^^
在这几天认识了很多新朋友，和一些朋友的感情好了，和别的却没有变。应该说就像以前那样一样的表面性吧……我觉得做朋友就应该要快乐，近来我都蛮快乐的。天天都在狂笑，很少有时间去想自己是否真正的快乐，因为那不重要，重要的是我有在笑。那就好了。怎么突然那么消沉了呢？；p
其实今天想要介绍两首歌，第一首是罗志祥的“爱不单行”。 里面有一句"爱只有简单笔画，却比想象复杂，恨安定爱变化” 有时时候真的会觉得人是很犯贱的，有了一样稳定的东西就不会去珍惜，总爱觉得人家的更好。这其实不一定是一件坏事，因为人要这样才会有进步。可是有时候旁观者不得不觉得那个人是个大白痴。为什么不去珍惜自己所有的呢？
有的人跑了，会回头，那还不算太糟糕，可是你有没有想过你把别人抛弃了，而去追求别的人，别的事，对被抛弃的是会造成多么大的伤害的吗？
如果你很爱一个人，可是她突然抛弃你，而去追求别的人了，可能那个还是一个对她没有感觉的人，你会不心痛吗？两个人在一起好好的，突然她说要离开，你会不恨吗？到时她伤透了，想透了，回头了，你还会要她吗？她背叛了你，出卖了你，为什么你还会想要和她在一起呢？你会原谅她吗？你能原谅她吗？
换个角度，你贪新鲜，觉得不能拥有的比在怀中的好，所以你任性的离开了。离开后，才发现原来你原以为完美的一切原来一直就在你身旁，是你把他给抛弃了。你又能原谅你自己吗？白痴的你做了白痴的事，你还有面子回头吗？你还能回头吗？
人是不可能不犯错的。可是有些措是不能犯的，因为这些错往往在发生了以后就不能回头的了。他会变成你心中永远的一个遗憾。所以在做出这种事情前，请考虑清楚你的所作所为会带来的后果。因为是真的，你一做错了，就没有的回头的了。任性是有代价的。
第2首歌是Big Bang的 Wedding Dress.因为超累的……所以下次有空的时候再的讨论这首歌。歌词在此，不好意识因为找不到华语的……~^.^~
I would argue
Then you would cry
As you’re struggling, I would only get stronger
My heartaches behind these shadows
My face brightens up as I see your smile
I worry that you might notice my feelings
And I get scared that the gap between us would widen
I hold my breath
Then I bite my lips
Then I pray that she would leave his side.Baby, please don’t hold those hands
Cuz you should be my lady
Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.
Once the music ends, you’ll be with him forever
I prayed and prayed that this day wouldn’t come
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
You, who never understood my feelings
Because of that, I ended up despising you
Then I wished a misfortune upon you
But now, my eyes are dry
I try to talk to you but I realized that I’m alone
Every night, I would look back and think
If I already knew the results
Then I close my eyes
Then I dream an endless dream
Then I pray she would leave his side.
Baby, please don’t hold those hands
Cuz you should be my lady
Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.
Once the music ends, you’ll be with him forever
I prayed and prayed that this day wouldn’t come
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
By all means, be happy with him
So I can move on
Please erase me out of your heart
Although I tried my best but, no oh~
I’ve been living the lies for too long
Yet, she would look at me and smile.
(From http://www.dramaplot.com/korean-news/lyrics-tae-yang-%E2%80%93-wedding-dress-kor-rom-eng.html)
Monday, June 21, 2010
精彩的一天
今天真精彩，买了1.25PM从怡保回到了PJ的火车.
12.30出门吃饭然后直接去火车站。在吃东西的那个地方也顺便打包了经济粉，好让我回到PJ不必又往外跑。可惜在3个小时的旅程后，发丝那包面已经充满塑胶味，怎么吃嘛……然后再吃饭那儿，当要离开时却被误会为还没付钱害到我妈要跑进去解释。
然后就遇上大塞车。搞到我差点要绷着我几kilo重的旅行袋往火车站跑。幸好我妈使用了他的赛车手潜能技术，在1.21时赶到火车站门口。我飞上火车不到5分钟它就开了。
在火车上还好，位子比之前宽阔，所以建议大家搭1点的火车，因为位子比较好^^
在要靠近KL Central的时候发现仿佛下雨了，可是原来我的区已经下完雨了。还好还好……
到了Asia Jaya以后，不到10分钟就有巴士到了。我兴高采烈地上了车，5分钟过后发现原来我上错车。@.@
因为真的没办法了，所以只好在一个鸟不生蛋的巴士站下了车等德士。经来有太多太多的德士司机强奸女乘客的新闻了，所以上车时心扑通扑通地跳的……上了车以后就拼了命的被他的车牌。还好那位uncle不错，他以前是住我家附近的。就说啊说啊说啊……说他把家卖啦，这个啦那个啦。他就说他的，我就背我的。
这样就回到家了。发现房间有股奇怪的味道。应该是没有空气流通的关系吧……
把行李放下后就把先前打包的面打开来吃，可是只吃了一口就吐会出来的塑胶味的面……有够特别的……
过后就没什么特别的了……
也不希望有什么特别的事情……只希望床可以软些……那等下我就可以睡个好觉了^^
12.30出门吃饭然后直接去火车站。在吃东西的那个地方也顺便打包了经济粉，好让我回到PJ不必又往外跑。可惜在3个小时的旅程后，发丝那包面已经充满塑胶味，怎么吃嘛……然后再吃饭那儿，当要离开时却被误会为还没付钱害到我妈要跑进去解释。
然后就遇上大塞车。搞到我差点要绷着我几kilo重的旅行袋往火车站跑。幸好我妈使用了他的赛车手潜能技术，在1.21时赶到火车站门口。我飞上火车不到5分钟它就开了。
在火车上还好，位子比之前宽阔，所以建议大家搭1点的火车，因为位子比较好^^
在要靠近KL Central的时候发现仿佛下雨了，可是原来我的区已经下完雨了。还好还好……
到了Asia Jaya以后，不到10分钟就有巴士到了。我兴高采烈地上了车，5分钟过后发现原来我上错车。@.@
因为真的没办法了，所以只好在一个鸟不生蛋的巴士站下了车等德士。经来有太多太多的德士司机强奸女乘客的新闻了，所以上车时心扑通扑通地跳的……上了车以后就拼了命的被他的车牌。还好那位uncle不错，他以前是住我家附近的。就说啊说啊说啊……说他把家卖啦，这个啦那个啦。他就说他的，我就背我的。
这样就回到家了。发现房间有股奇怪的味道。应该是没有空气流通的关系吧……
把行李放下后就把先前打包的面打开来吃，可是只吃了一口就吐会出来的塑胶味的面……有够特别的……
过后就没什么特别的了……
也不希望有什么特别的事情……只希望床可以软些……那等下我就可以睡个好觉了^^
Sunday, June 20, 2010
自虐的行为
好久没有写blog了哦………突然就觉得想要写^^
今天再次确定了自己有些喜欢自虐的习惯。就偶尔会去看一些自己不应该去看的东西，看了又会心痛。知道了对自己是没有好处的，但是就是情不自禁想要去看看。看了就会去想，想了就有点难过，难过时就觉得自己活该。
其实不是很在乎的事情，许多都是，可是看了就会在乎。是不是觉得我说的话很奇怪？懂我的意思吗？
很简单，想象你一件你平时是不会很去在意的事情，比如说你的好朋友养了只狗，那只白痴狗天天看到你就汪汪叫的，烦死了，所以你根本不会去问你的好友：你的狗狗好吗？
可是有一天，你发现那只笨狗生了小狗，可是不是从你的好友口中知道的，而是从身边的人口中知道的。突然平时不会在意的事情突然在意起来了。
“我们不是好友吗？平时都很多话说得啊…怎么他最心爱的狗狗生了我却是最后一个人知道呢？”
平时就不会去想这件事情，可是突然发生了，你就会去想太多，甚至怀疑你与他的友情是否变质了之类的。也许你会开始考虑是否应该对那只白痴狗好些，还是你到底做错了什么令他不再把你当心腹，等等。
可是当你冷静下来看看，你会发现，你其实已经不在乎这位好友了，而且你从一开始就不曾在意过那条白痴汪汪狗，然后你就会发现你的烦恼从一开始就不应该存在的，你的行为只是在自虐。
哦……离题了。
所以说，今天自虐了一下。
天天自虐一下可以令你轻身爽快同时也可以令你精神崩溃哦。就看你自己选哪条路吧。^^
今天再次确定了自己有些喜欢自虐的习惯。就偶尔会去看一些自己不应该去看的东西，看了又会心痛。知道了对自己是没有好处的，但是就是情不自禁想要去看看。看了就会去想，想了就有点难过，难过时就觉得自己活该。
其实不是很在乎的事情，许多都是，可是看了就会在乎。是不是觉得我说的话很奇怪？懂我的意思吗？
很简单，想象你一件你平时是不会很去在意的事情，比如说你的好朋友养了只狗，那只白痴狗天天看到你就汪汪叫的，烦死了，所以你根本不会去问你的好友：你的狗狗好吗？
可是有一天，你发现那只笨狗生了小狗，可是不是从你的好友口中知道的，而是从身边的人口中知道的。突然平时不会在意的事情突然在意起来了。
“我们不是好友吗？平时都很多话说得啊…怎么他最心爱的狗狗生了我却是最后一个人知道呢？”
平时就不会去想这件事情，可是突然发生了，你就会去想太多，甚至怀疑你与他的友情是否变质了之类的。也许你会开始考虑是否应该对那只白痴狗好些，还是你到底做错了什么令他不再把你当心腹，等等。
可是当你冷静下来看看，你会发现，你其实已经不在乎这位好友了，而且你从一开始就不曾在意过那条白痴汪汪狗，然后你就会发现你的烦恼从一开始就不应该存在的，你的行为只是在自虐。
哦……离题了。
所以说，今天自虐了一下。
天天自虐一下可以令你轻身爽快同时也可以令你精神崩溃哦。就看你自己选哪条路吧。^^
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