这几天过得还蛮快乐的。觉得自己很幸运^^
很冒险的对大家唐开了心房，换回来的是大家的包容和体谅。真得很开心认识到这班朋友。
他们不会嫌我小孩子，不会说我爱粘人，就算说的时候也只是开玩笑。
他们会在自己做错事情的时候道歉，会在我不开心的时候坐下来听我发狂，会在我被怪叔叔骚扰的时候叫我怎样应对，回家时会等我，去夜市会预我，吃饭会叫我，看戏也会预我，最重要的是，他们会把我的缺点告诉我，不是责骂，不是责怪，而是让我知道。
在学校有一班好朋友陪我玩到癫，也有人给我当抱枕。在这个家有人帮我下载游戏，让我对她撒娇，有空可以吵闹下，闷了可以爬去她房间骚扰她。在自己的家，有重于山的靠山，永远的支持我，偶尔烦下我。在另一个小岛，有一个人，他属于我，我属于他。
突然觉得自己很幸福很幸运，很开心可以和大家打成一片，很开心自己被接受了。
重来就习惯孤单的我，真的很开心，也许，我真的有靠岸了……而且还是很多个。哈哈哈哈哈哈～～～
Words
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
growing up~
Recently i feel like i've grown up.
I"m not as childish as i was ( i think) and i can handle things better.
By things i mean human relations. Though no doubt i need to improve, still, there has been a vast improvement compared to my previous attitude.
When i was having a conversation with my frenz the other day, they mentioned that if i keep cooperating with tough groupmates, when i leave UTAR, i will no doubt have a very high EQ. I hope so too. Seeing that i have gained quite a lot of EQ in just half a semester, i think my EQ will have reached a sky high level by the time i graduate in 3 years.
Being "grown up" has its perks and downsides. Some of the perks are that you will not feel compelled to scream at people so much and you can resolve issues in a diplomatic way. Some of the downsides are that you will feel that your turning into a stone or a mannequin. You are wearing a mask of politeness in a sea of people. All the while wearing a slight smile on your face and giving brief nods of your head, while inside you're screaming for them to notice the real you trapped inside.
However, no matter how many perks or downsides there are, growing up is a required phase in everyone's life. No one can stay a child forever. No matter how much you want to keep yourself innocent and from turning into one of those mask-wearing freak-shows you hate so much, somehow or another, you'll eventually have to face the facts: that you can't survive in this world without a mask to protect yourself.
There is a way to keep yourself from turning into a complete block of stone however; the key lies in the company you keep. If there is someone next to you whom you can trust or at the very least, that you feel comfortable enough with to confide in, you're saved. Keep your mask for a raining day and smile with the one's you can smile freely with.
A recent event made me realize that i've grown up. But it's not an event i'm happy about. The hurt of being charged with a crime i did not commit is more than i am willing to put up with, more than i am capable of putting up with. Being called a tyrant in not so few words was shocking. After shedding a few tears, i contemplated whether that person was right. Although that person might not have realized i was hurt, s/he did touch a nerve and hence got me thinking. Am i really pushing them too hard? Do i seem like i'm so laid back all the time? That assignments and exams are a breeze to me? No. I do not think so. I work every bit as hard as all the rest of them and it is not warranted for someone to deny me by saying they have a heavier workload than i do.
Thinking about it, the old me would have blown off the roof top; so pissed that i would have fallen into a depression. However, now, i am merely waiting for an apology; for that person to realize the unjust accusation s/he made. I will let it lie for now. At such a crucial stage when everyone is trying their best not to drown.
But letting it lie does not mean i do not care; it does not mean i'm not hurt. If i was truly understood the way i thought i was, this misunderstanding would never have had happened. My sensitivity is sometimes more than anyone can hope to comprehend. I do not wish to command everyone to bid by my will, i merely ask for consideration. For i may be grown up. But i am fragile within. I am not as tough as i look. And unfortunately, very few realize that...
I"m not as childish as i was ( i think) and i can handle things better.
By things i mean human relations. Though no doubt i need to improve, still, there has been a vast improvement compared to my previous attitude.
When i was having a conversation with my frenz the other day, they mentioned that if i keep cooperating with tough groupmates, when i leave UTAR, i will no doubt have a very high EQ. I hope so too. Seeing that i have gained quite a lot of EQ in just half a semester, i think my EQ will have reached a sky high level by the time i graduate in 3 years.
Being "grown up" has its perks and downsides. Some of the perks are that you will not feel compelled to scream at people so much and you can resolve issues in a diplomatic way. Some of the downsides are that you will feel that your turning into a stone or a mannequin. You are wearing a mask of politeness in a sea of people. All the while wearing a slight smile on your face and giving brief nods of your head, while inside you're screaming for them to notice the real you trapped inside.
However, no matter how many perks or downsides there are, growing up is a required phase in everyone's life. No one can stay a child forever. No matter how much you want to keep yourself innocent and from turning into one of those mask-wearing freak-shows you hate so much, somehow or another, you'll eventually have to face the facts: that you can't survive in this world without a mask to protect yourself.
There is a way to keep yourself from turning into a complete block of stone however; the key lies in the company you keep. If there is someone next to you whom you can trust or at the very least, that you feel comfortable enough with to confide in, you're saved. Keep your mask for a raining day and smile with the one's you can smile freely with.
A recent event made me realize that i've grown up. But it's not an event i'm happy about. The hurt of being charged with a crime i did not commit is more than i am willing to put up with, more than i am capable of putting up with. Being called a tyrant in not so few words was shocking. After shedding a few tears, i contemplated whether that person was right. Although that person might not have realized i was hurt, s/he did touch a nerve and hence got me thinking. Am i really pushing them too hard? Do i seem like i'm so laid back all the time? That assignments and exams are a breeze to me? No. I do not think so. I work every bit as hard as all the rest of them and it is not warranted for someone to deny me by saying they have a heavier workload than i do.
Thinking about it, the old me would have blown off the roof top; so pissed that i would have fallen into a depression. However, now, i am merely waiting for an apology; for that person to realize the unjust accusation s/he made. I will let it lie for now. At such a crucial stage when everyone is trying their best not to drown.
But letting it lie does not mean i do not care; it does not mean i'm not hurt. If i was truly understood the way i thought i was, this misunderstanding would never have had happened. My sensitivity is sometimes more than anyone can hope to comprehend. I do not wish to command everyone to bid by my will, i merely ask for consideration. For i may be grown up. But i am fragile within. I am not as tough as i look. And unfortunately, very few realize that...
Monday, July 12, 2010
命运～
我相信命运，相信缘分。
曾经有人对我说过“人定胜天”，不懂当时他是真的相信还是在开玩笑。现在想起，已经不重要，因为他一生最爱的人不是我。可是也许我们大家都得到报应了。我任性的报应是为了他伤心了3年。他的报应是不能得到他最爱的人。公平吗？我已经move on了，他呢？还是停顿在那儿。因果报应，我是不会可怜你的。
回到正题，我相信缘分。
那天我有刷任性，要你留下来陪我。我知道是为难了你…可是我不喜欢伪装，明明就想念你想念到快受不了了…为什么还要我装笑…对不起，做不到。眼泪就有，你要不要？
在大庭广众谈判，还得我真的差点哭了…也看得出你其实也很难受。我知道你爱我…看到我的眼泪一流你就慌张起来的。亲爱的，我会记得你说的那一句“老公很爱你的”。
我原本以为缘分已尽，不想在伤害大家，可是在火车站那竟然有奇迹。^^那一刻我真的好开心好开心！因为我相信那是我们的命运。因为那个奇迹，你留下来了。
已经不必多说。谢谢你，你让我再次看到你有多么的疼爱我，多么的心疼我，多么的关心我，多么的爱我。
谢谢你让我找到了继续的勇气和理由。
老公，我爱你~^.^~
是命运让我们在一起的^^
曾经有人对我说过“人定胜天”，不懂当时他是真的相信还是在开玩笑。现在想起，已经不重要，因为他一生最爱的人不是我。可是也许我们大家都得到报应了。我任性的报应是为了他伤心了3年。他的报应是不能得到他最爱的人。公平吗？我已经move on了，他呢？还是停顿在那儿。因果报应，我是不会可怜你的。
回到正题，我相信缘分。
那天我有刷任性，要你留下来陪我。我知道是为难了你…可是我不喜欢伪装，明明就想念你想念到快受不了了…为什么还要我装笑…对不起，做不到。眼泪就有，你要不要？
在大庭广众谈判，还得我真的差点哭了…也看得出你其实也很难受。我知道你爱我…看到我的眼泪一流你就慌张起来的。亲爱的，我会记得你说的那一句“老公很爱你的”。
我原本以为缘分已尽，不想在伤害大家，可是在火车站那竟然有奇迹。^^那一刻我真的好开心好开心！因为我相信那是我们的命运。因为那个奇迹，你留下来了。
已经不必多说。谢谢你，你让我再次看到你有多么的疼爱我，多么的心疼我，多么的关心我，多么的爱我。
谢谢你让我找到了继续的勇气和理由。
老公，我爱你~^.^~
是命运让我们在一起的^^
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Me
I am who you want me to be.
I am who you need me to be.
I am who you will never be.
I am who you are.
I am the voice inside your head.
I am the thought that keeps you awake.
I am the memory you can't erase.
I am the one whom you love.
I am the one whom you hate.
I am the warmth that you crave.
I am the sweet kiss that keeps you up at night.
I am the one you can't have.
I am the only one you want.
I am the only one you need.
I am who you think i am.
I am who you think i'm not.
Ask yourself, do you really know me?
Do you really understand me?
Do you know what i want?
Do you know what i need?
Do you know how i feel at night? Everynight...
Do you know how i feel in the day?
Do you know what i like?
Do you know what i hate?
DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME?
Do you know how to love me?
DO you know what's best for me when i do not even know what is best for myself?
Do you read what i write?
DO you care what i write about?
Do you care about me?
Do you know i hate to eat alone?
Do you know i need warmth?
Do you know i want to know that you care?
Do you know that i never used to like to smile?
Do you know that smiling once made me want to cry?
Can you see the true feelings behind my eyes?
Can you see me?
Can you see me? Do you see me?
I can't be the person you want me to be.
but i will try to be the person you need me to be.
I am nobody but...ME.
I am who you need me to be.
I am who you will never be.
I am who you are.
I am the voice inside your head.
I am the thought that keeps you awake.
I am the memory you can't erase.
I am the one whom you love.
I am the one whom you hate.
I am the warmth that you crave.
I am the sweet kiss that keeps you up at night.
I am the one you can't have.
I am the only one you want.
I am the only one you need.
I am who you think i am.
I am who you think i'm not.
Ask yourself, do you really know me?
Do you really understand me?
Do you know what i want?
Do you know what i need?
Do you know how i feel at night? Everynight...
Do you know how i feel in the day?
Do you know what i like?
Do you know what i hate?
DO YOU REALLY LOVE ME?
Do you know how to love me?
DO you know what's best for me when i do not even know what is best for myself?
Do you read what i write?
DO you care what i write about?
Do you care about me?
Do you know i hate to eat alone?
Do you know i need warmth?
Do you know i want to know that you care?
Do you know that i never used to like to smile?
Do you know that smiling once made me want to cry?
Can you see the true feelings behind my eyes?
Can you see me?
Can you see me? Do you see me?
I can't be the person you want me to be.
but i will try to be the person you need me to be.
I am nobody but...ME.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
blab...
It's a rainy day today...has been so cold since this morning...i wonder why the clouds won't lift....it's making my mood sink as well....
Someone commented that i've dark circles under my eyes yesterday...i haven't been sleeping well these few days...if it's not insomnia then it's because i wanted to cherish a hard earned break and enjoy a movie.
I contemplated the cost of freedom yesterday. Don't really hv a conclusion yet, but the price of freedom sure is high. When you receive freedom, you'll also receive loneliness. But is it any different from everyday life?
Like it or not, we all live in a cage. A cage of self doubt, mistrust, uncertainty, hostility, and feigned politeness and smiles. Everyday, we pass our lives in this cage, forced to be civil, forced to function when all you want to do is to curl up in someone's arms and hide...If you're lucky, you'll find people who understand you, understand why sometimes you smile and sometimes you don't, someone who understands why sometimes you look so lonely and the hidden hurt behind your eyes...someone who will understand that all you want, is to be wanted.
On this cold day, i have nothing more to say...
Someone commented that i've dark circles under my eyes yesterday...i haven't been sleeping well these few days...if it's not insomnia then it's because i wanted to cherish a hard earned break and enjoy a movie.
I contemplated the cost of freedom yesterday. Don't really hv a conclusion yet, but the price of freedom sure is high. When you receive freedom, you'll also receive loneliness. But is it any different from everyday life?
Like it or not, we all live in a cage. A cage of self doubt, mistrust, uncertainty, hostility, and feigned politeness and smiles. Everyday, we pass our lives in this cage, forced to be civil, forced to function when all you want to do is to curl up in someone's arms and hide...If you're lucky, you'll find people who understand you, understand why sometimes you smile and sometimes you don't, someone who understands why sometimes you look so lonely and the hidden hurt behind your eyes...someone who will understand that all you want, is to be wanted.
On this cold day, i have nothing more to say...
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