Depression?

They say that those who are sick will never admit that they are sick, just like those who are drunk will never admit they are drunk neither.
I guess that if you believe in this theory, then i am definitely not depressed.
But if you don't believe, than i might be heading down the road of depression.
But then, it might be my pre-exam stress talking.
BUT then again, taking an easy way out is always the better choice in difficult situations or realities isn't it?
Did a little research today and found this on9:

Common signs and symptoms of depression

• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
• Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
• Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
• Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
• Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
• Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
• Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
• Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
• Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
• Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

I hit 6 jackpots.
But then and again, it might just be the stress talking.
Who knows...mb one day i'll say "I'm not depressed."
And then you should be worried.

Great News!!! (IGEM)

Got some wonderful news today!!!

Our Television Production 1 lecturer Miss Foo 'persuaded' our whole class to enter a 'save the environment' video competition called Dare to Dream a few months ago.
To tell the truth, almost all of us were skeptical about the contest; who'd believe we stand a chance of winning？ 0.0
But in order to successfully 'persuade' us, Miss Foo altered our assignment requirements to fit the requirements of the contest so that it became a situation where "Why not enter? Since we're already doing everything according to the contest...=.="

To cut the long story short, after toiling in our group of 3 to create a garbage monster and stressing over imperfect shots and fire ants crawling in shirts and all that, conclusion is, my group got shortlisted.

The moment my group member called me to inform me of our success, i was elated.

"OMG!!! WTH!!! We got shortlisted??!!!! OMG!!!!!!!"

Therefore, i'm going to write my shortlisted-therefore-possible-winner thank you speech here:

Thank You to Miss Foo first and foremost,
for 'persuading' us to join this competition,
for helping us whenever we had any trouble; no matter how small; with the assignment,
for giving us emotional support throughout these months,
for always giving us great advice.

Thank You NATALIE
for sacrificing her precious flesh to the fire ants,
for handling the camera so well,
for spending countless hours in front of the MAC editing our footage for us,
for standing up to that horrible guard,
for always being surpportive.

Thank You YEE LING
for sacrificing her car and converting it into a rubbish dump to accommodate our garbage monster,
for taking care of us,
making sure we never miss any details,
for finding such a beautiful venue (even though it din work out),
for being the person who called me to tell me the great news

Thank You to Allen, my brother,
for giving us ideas on how to improve our idea,
for hiding his bulk behind a tree crawling with fire ants to work as our volunteer prop master

To everyone else i did not mention here, i did not forget you as well.

!!!!!!WE DARE TO DREAM!!!!!

26/8

About to bath then set off for work.
Today will be what i expect to be my last day on the job, gave my notice last last week.
Although i'll mizz the kids a lot, still, working on Friday is just too inconvenient for me.
If the boss has a slot on Thursday, i should be able to make it.

Had a splitting headache just now, so had to skip my presentation and left it to my groupmates.
Thank God they were all so understanding and the lecturer was cool with it too ( i guess my white lips and the statement 'i think i want to vomit' convinced them to juz let me go )
Seems like i haven gotten over my stomach's aversion to too much Starbucks yet.
Oh well....guess too much of a good thing is bad for you...

Still feeling a little queasy right now...0.0

Going to Station 1 to listen to my friend sing later^^
Haven heard him sing in so long~
Hope it will be a good night^^

献给“骚货”

这个短文章是献给某位在别人的布拉格糟蹋自己的蠢人。

为什么这个世界上就是有这么没脑袋的人呢？
真不懂这个人是怎么中学毕业的，还是他的智商就只呆在中学阶层。
不不不…他的智商应该就只有小学程度。

依照我的推断，这位在别人布拉格糟蹋自己的，明显是一个低B，理解能力低，冲动，没有生活依靠，没有精神依靠，精神稍微有点问题，没有判断力，语文超烂（所以只好写华文让他可以比较容易明白），而且是社会低阶乘的人士。

这个人呢，应该没有经济能力，也没有踏实稳定的工作，所以才可以非常得空的在人家的布拉格糟蹋自己。

其实我对于这位0智商人士的身份有大概的猜测，只不过猜测不方便透露。

在此请这位脑袋缺陷的人士请别弄肮脏我的布拉格。你的观光让我觉得我的文字受侮辱了。

假如你有不明的怨气想要发泄的话，请大力点撞向墙壁自我了断，相信这世界没有人会想念一个这么让人恶心的你的。

最后，这位人士，我不好欺负，不要再惹我。我的布拉格不是让你发泄你低能的怨气的地方。若真的对我有不满的话，请把自己的姓名报上来，再告诉我幼儿园智商的你幻想了我做了什么对不起你的事。请试着用文明的方式解决你的低能问题吧，别再这样糟蹋自己了，让家人知道你这么白痴的行为的话，他们会伤心的。生块叉烧都好过生你。

Pop Music. Yuck...0.0

What on earth is happening to music?

I believe a lot of people have the same habit of leaving their radios on when you turn off the car engine, so when you restart your engine, the first thing you hear is blaring music from your stereo.

When I started my car just now, the first tune that blared at me was “boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy friend, your boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy friend”, (trust me, there is a youtube video out there going "girl girl girl girl girl girl girl girl girl girl girl friend =.=) within 2 seconds, immense irritation caused me to change the station. I was then greeted with Eminem and Dr. Dre’s “I need a Doctor”.

That song is so abused by the radio that you can now hear it playing about twice an hour. The song is acceptable by itself (for the first 3 times you hear it), but with all the bleeped out foul language in the song, it’s just plain irritating. Why on earth would a song that focuses on Dr. Dre’s incredible foul-word-incorporated rapping skills be aired on radio so many times when you know the foul words MUST be bleeped out??? It makes no sense at all.

So then I changed to a Chinese station. I was lucky enough to hear the beginning of the song instead of the chorus, but the opening itself made me open my mouth in horror. Mostly, songs only reach the irritating level in their choruses, but this song gets the cake. It was so badly written that I switched off my radio at the third line.

The song started with “Why are your eyes avoiding my eyes?”

In chinese: 为什么你的眼睛避着我的眼睛?

Excuse me, do you lack better words to explain the situation? It sounds so tacky and…cheap…0.0

Why can’t music go back to its roots? When the songs actually tell a story, when the lyrics actually made sense and the radio didn’t abuse songs so much.

Some of the few pop-culture artists I like are Taylor Swift and Eminem. Their songs always tell stories, and they seldom repeat their lines needlessly, especially Eminem.

Bands like The Fray, Snow Patrol and Life House are some of the good ole’ makers of music. Their songs never get old and every time you listen to them, you get a new revelation.

Why can’t music go back to being that? Sign…I’m scared of my radio now…too much ridiculous music might rot my brain….0.0

我回来了

在家待了5天5夜后，又回来PJ了。
开心的是，很多还没有处理的事可以处理了。
不开心的事，房间有蚂蚁。还有，回到来了，会有种莫名其妙的孤单…

莫名其妙的，又寂寞了。
可是回了家一趟，让我看清了，明白了，
多孤单，多寂寞，都好，
都不能再做一些到最后会伤害自己的事情了。

有时很好奇，到底有多少个人会读我的布拉格呢？

嗯～头开始痛了～睡觉咯～
晚安

……

也许因为我相信了
也许因为我有期望了
也许因为我期待了
所以我跌到伤了

也许伤口还没愈合的
也许身体承受不了新的伤口
所以身心才会这么的疲倦
所以才会想闭上眼睛
忘记全世界

女孩：你记得吗？很久以前，我哭着问你，为什么他说爱我，却要伤害我？你记得那时你说什么吗？
男孩：嗯…我说我不会再让你哭…
女孩：那现在我问你,为什么你说在乎我，却要伤害我呢？

你，给到我答案吗？

我不是圣人。早安

我不是圣人，我不是superwoman.
反反复复的，对大家都造成了伤害……
I want to believe i've supernatural powers so badly...
but the truth is, i don't.
I'm just like every other girl out there in the world; filled to the brim with unease and doubts and fears.
"Good Morning", how hard can it be?
When you wake up, the first thing you do is to look at the time.
usually using ur phone, after you look at the time on your phone,
press "new message" and type in "Good Morning" then send it to the girl you claim you care so much about.
How hard can it be?

Don't keep running back and forth and then saying "我不知道那个‘早安’对你这么重要嘛…"
when i specifically told you i need a good morning to feel like someone is missing me

Don't say "不要为了这么小的事情这样好不要？那我会觉得你好敷衍咯…你当我是什么哦？"
Excuse me, 我告诉过你这对我很重要，知道了都不做，还要找我吵，你当我是什么？

Don't say "我很在乎你的…"
You can't even give me a "Good Morning", eventhough you know it's important to me, 你会有多在乎我哦？

说过不会让我哭
说过不会让我伤心
说过你会改
说过重新来过，却不到4天就找我吵。

我们之间的问题不止“早安”这么简单。
还有很多很多。

当眼泪流下的那一刻，我们就已经真正的结束了。

～不想再为任何人流泪～

Train Coaches for singles!!!! (Warning: This is a Rant)

(Written while fuming during my journey back home from KL)

I went to Midvalley the other day and took the KTM train for the second time since my 2 years in KL. Before I saw that specific coach, I had long before heard that the government had proposed separate coaches for males and females; if I’m not wrong, this policy apply to LRTs as well. So, back to the KTM train, when the train arrived, I saw 2 coaches labeled “Female Coach” or something along those lines.

I’m currently sitting on the ETS train bound for my hometown and I’m thinking that having an ETS train specifically for ladies may not be a bad idea after all. Or better yet, please have a coach labeled “For Single People Only”. Of course, the ticket price would be the same and the ticket purchasing optional. I’m sure a lot of people would be thrilled if this suggestion came into effect. In particular, people like me.

It’s so irritating to see couples all lovey-dovey and going “Ooo~you’ve got hair on your arm…teehee…” or “My….What silky hands you have…I’m so glad they’re mine to hold..” or some corny crap like that. Oh please…If your guy doesn’t have hair on his arms, he’s gay; or might as well be. And of course her hands are silky smooth! She applies lotion to her hand 10 times a day! But of course, let’s not forget the fact that you’d lie through your teeth to get to hold her hand. Reason being you’re so infatuated with her right now. Give it 1 more year, and you won’t even care of her hands are as beautiful as a hand model’s.

Think I sound cynical?

Well, yes, I am cynical. I’m not afraid of admitting that.

God…it’s just so annoying to see these lovey-dovey, happy cheery people. I just texted my friend who usually accompanies me on my trip home; since we live close by; and she said at least the person sitting next to me is not a fat guy snoring in his sleep.

Well, I’d take the fat guy any day.

First of all, ignore his size and let’s concentrate on the fact that he’s asleep. Eyes closed, far gone in La La Land. At least I won’t have to worry about anyone peeping at me ranting on my lappie and risk them calling security or slinking further up against the window in fear of my sudden explosion when they see what I’m writing. But then I guess my furious tap-tap-tapping is raising alarms already. I can tell I’ve got the attention of the lead talents in my current rant. They’ve been eyeing my lappie-key-flying fingers for a while now. Anxious attention or curiosity? I’ve yet to find out.

Like a Horror Movie 19/8

<Written from real life experience in ETS train. Real Life = Train broke down, but no monsters (Unfortunately...) >

The train stops. The lights blink and everything goes dark. The passengers murmur anxiously. “What’s wrong with the train? Is there a break-down?” “Where are we?”

Her fingers stop in mid-sentence. The last words in the document on the screen of her lappie are “…favorite horror movie.”

She grins knowingly as the Chinese auntie in front of her mutters “What’s going on? Where on earth are we?” She knows exactly what’s going to happen. Her writer/forced horror movie buff/psycho killer’s instincts are egging her on. The very next moment, she is certain, people are going to start screaming as they see silhouettes flying past them in the pitch darkness outside. And even more panic will ensue as the sounds of heavy bodies land on top of the train, with claw indentations marking their descent.

Her smile widens even further as she looks at the battery indicator on her lappie; on battery; which means the power socket is not functioning; another reassurance that the train has indeed stopped completely.

She sits back and sighs in sweet anticipation. Who else will have such a once-in- a-lifetime chance to experience such an amazing phenomenon??

At that moment…

The lights come on. Back up lights powered by the generator. All the better for the monsters to see them with.

And then…

Her battery indicator signal changes; charging.

Oh crap…

The lights come back on. There’re no monsters after all.

“This is such a waste of my time…” she mutters in a monologue and resumes her furious typing.

“…favorite horror movie starts playing.”

Melacca Trip (13-14/8)

Went to Malacca for the weekend.

(P.S. It was the Ghost Festival. Hahaha~~)

Although not really in the mood to blog, seems like such a shame not to write down this beautiful memory^^
In a sense, this trip has fulfilled at least 2 of my dreams.
1) To go to the beach
2) *private* (muahahha~~)

I went to Padang Kemunting Sea with my friend and his housemates whom i did not know at all to see sea turtles lay eggs.
I was quite apprehensive at first...What kind of people would they be? Will they be fun or pains-in-the-asses? Luckily they turned out to be the perfect sort of people to be with on a trip.
There was the motherly kind, the goofy jokester, the patient and caring type, the emo but kind, the mature big brother and the personal caretaker.
The drive there was full of loud music, singalong-oldies and also continuous blurring of the eyes as we tried to find 5 differences in a picture on an S2 while on the drive.
The journey there was longer than i remembered from last year, but then i was the driver back then, so i guess time went by faster.
We went to this rural area called Kemunting.
The rest of them had earlier booked rooms at a resort called Ismah Resort. (If that place can be called a resort....0.0 It was basically a few rooms stringed together and the only amenities were a small stage and gathering area and also a swimming pool where if i stood up, only my knees would be in the water.)
But all in all, it was a really nice place, quiet and relatively clean. (If you don't count in the ants on the walls and the cockroach that scared one of the girls half to death.)
The manager there was really nice too. He stayed way past he was due off just to wait for us. And since the rooms were already booked the day before, he had stored up some baby sea-turtles for us to release into the ocean.

Baby Sea Turtles!!!

They're so TINY! And so CUTE! I held one between my fingers and could feel its heartbeat on my thumb. The poor thing must have had been having a heart attack. What's more amazing was the fact that i could actually feel its heartbeat. I guess its shell wasn't hard enough yet...Hope the poor thing fares well in the ocean...The manager said v could come back in 20years to see them lay eggs and asked us to name em(he gave us 2 each to set free).
I named mine.....(tada! suprise!) Banana and Milk. Hehehe...In loving memory of my deceased hamsters. (May they RIP)

The manager told us that the sea turtles would most probably be coming up to shore at about 1am to 5am.
So they decided to go to back and lepak for a while and then go for supper at 11am and then sit and wait for the sea turtles to come~

So ladida~~

Conclusion, the sea turtles did not come...=.=
4 of us stood watch from 1am to 2+am, then gave up and left 1 sentinel there. That loyal sentinel stayed apparently stayed for 15 more minutes and left. But he was the driver, and the driver can NEVER be blamed. (Unless you want to take a bus back to KL...=.=)(But then to be fair, he was really tired...Should have seen his face the next day...Just like a zombie...0.0 )

Morning at the Beach!!!!

The next morning, i had a wonderfully leisurely stroll along the beach~
Felt the wind on my face~
~the waves rushing against my feet; wetting my pants and potentially ruining them with salty sea water~
~sat on a tree branch; and hit my head on the tree post~
~drew some pictures in the sand~
~wore a flower in my hair; and lost it~
~collected seashells; while mourning the loss of the most beautiful ones..because unfortunately, they were 'occupied'..=.=~
~and did my 3 Shot assignment; Miss Foo!! If you ever see this, this is evidence of how hardworking i am!! Muahahah.....~

After we checked out, we went to the town to have Rice Balls, Laksa, and Mille Crepe.
I was all for shopping. But they seemed to be more interested in eating. Which is really a good thing because i had a taste of a lot of things i would never have had eaten if i had been alone.^^

In the end, we reached KL at bout 8pm and i terus dove into my assignments and preparation for my presentation.

All in all, it was really a great experience. I met a lot of really great and fun people, tried out new things, went to the beach, and let loose. ^^

I need to go to the ocean again!!! Soon!!!

(Sad remark....Eventhough we went to Jonker street....It wasn't night so i didn't get to eat my curly potatoes...........TT)

8/8/2011

不想说话，不想想东西
其实是不懂要说什么
不懂要想什么

和平的分开
算和平吗？

2片原本就不适合的叶子，
飘在一起了，
最终还是得分开

其实也没什么
从以前就是孤单的
只是突然觉得比较孤单而已
就多那一点点而已嘛……
没什么大不了的…
我熬得过。

总觉得要写一些什么…
因为觉得有点交代…
嗯…
交代了…

其实也想有anniversary
也想收花
也想煮菜
也想撒娇
也想打开新房
也想拖手逛街
也想欢笑
也想
拥有

只是当快乐不太快了，
不愉快却非常不愉快时，
无论有多想多想，
都是不会有好结局的

I don't feel well

Like Alice in Wonderland
falling down that hole, not knowing what's happening
walking through the streets, fingering her necklace, clenching her fists, struggling to keep down unfathomable tears
the food is tasteless
she feels trapped in a world she does not belong in
like she's separated from the rest of her
her soul
she can smile
but sitting there alone,
she clutches her necklace behind the table
-she realises what she is doing - she stops
she clenches her fist til her arm shakes with the effort
-she realises what she is doing - she stops
she starts to bite her spoon
(the crowd is stifling her)
-she realises what she is doing - she stops

She wants to go home...
all she wants to do right now is go home...
She wants to talk to someone...
but doesn't want to worry anyone
on the other hand,
who can she tell?
who will understand?
she keeps quiet...

He was her new harbor
or so she thought
but it seems that he is a but an ill wave -
washing over her inborn unease - magnifying them.

Like a bottomless abyss
too deep to fathom
she keeps drowning
and no one is there to pull her up
or is it that she is not allowing herself to be saved?

Scary thoughts fill her head.
Dark and unthinkable.

She just wants....to go home...
to her safe harbor....

I don't feel well...

Who gets me?

I've been pondering this question for a while now,
Who really gets me?
Given, i've got a weird sense of humor.
Wonky to saw the least and not many people get it.
By not many, i mean most people stare at me and give me a "What the heck are you talking about?" look.
I'm in my best/worst element when i'm speaking English though,
and unfortunately, i am seldom in the company of those who fully speak my language and hence, vry few people get my unique humor.
Today someone asked me "If that person doesn't get your humor, why take it to the next level?"
I concur.
Sin did say that he didn't get me.
And i did admit that i accepted for the wrong reasons.
BUT, until now, that person really doesn't get me.
Back to my original problem,

WHO GETS ME?

I need to meet some bananas whom i can click with....
I miss Foundation..........
I miss blabbering and blubbering and only having to begin the sentence for ppl to realise what i'm talking about.
I'm so tired of having to explain...explain...explain every little thing i say.....

And you know what?
I'm also tired of waiting for the phone to ring.
So it's going to be on silent for the rest of the night.
And NO, i do not care if you think i'm being childish
DO NOT ask why i can't make ur phone ring first.
This is the way i am.
DEAL WITH IT or dig a hole and bury yourself in it.

Think i'm being aggressive?
That proves how little you know me.

Good Morning

I miss "Good Morning"
The 2 simple words you read in a monologue from a text message.
For more than 2 yrs, almost every morning,
"Good Morning" showed up on my phone
Simple yet sweet
I am rarely the one who says "Good Morning"
must have something to do with my personality.
I miss that...i really do...
and "Goodnight" as well
but not as much as the former
To start your day with "Good Morning"
to smile sweetly as a start to your day
to feel, to think "Oh, someone is missing me so early in the morning.."
It's a wonderful thing to have.
I miss my "Good Morning"s
But i guess I'll never have them back.
So better start saying "Good Morning" to myself everyday
the perfect way to start my morning^^