For Haters :p

When I tell people I'm in a long distance relationship, I received a lot of negative comments.

"How do you know if you can trust him?"
"It's not a real relationship!"
"How can you call it dating if you only do it through a webcam?"

Fine, everyone has got their own opinions.
You can be a hater if you want to.
But what do you get out of it?
Isn't it better to be supportive and happy for the other person?

These lil haters don't know that I have it better than them,
My man is sweet, caring, responsible, dependable, handsome and WONDERFUL

He sends me sweet texts all the time and even sweeter ones when he's drunk
We actually plan for our future, a serious one, not just "Where are we going next weekend?"
We play online games together, not he plays games and you moan.

I'm happy, and definitely happier than a lot of you little haters.
So quit your hating and don't cramp my style :P

I'm Dating Him :p

I'm dating him!!
Is that a little late to say? Don't care. I'm dating him. :p
Tralalalala~~

There are so many silly songs he sings but his voice itself is a song that belongs only to me <3 br="br">

05.11.12

Within 24 hours, I lost my heart and my ticket to study Law.

Life is like a roller coaster.

It hurts like hell when you fall.

But I don't know what to do anymore but smile and ..

04.11.12

Sometimes you feel like a million bucks
But you can't tell because you can't tell
But you're happy all the same
And he's happy
And that's all that matters :)

30.10.12

Haven't blogged in forever.
A lot happened recently, with my family and friends and love life as well.
Not everything can be perfect, but then I suppose imperfection makes you value the rare perfect moments in life.
Even though I say that, I still wish that things can be perfect in one aspect.

I want a balance.
Isn't that what everyone wants? - A balance

Have been having insomnia these past 2 days.
I wonder if it's because of my odd sleeping schedule or because there's so much on my mind.

My brains swirls and twirls and spins and runs all over the place when I lay down.
I think, and wonder, and try, to find a way, to achieve a balance.

I have always striven to be the best, to do my best, in everything that I do.
or at least I try to motivate myself to strive to be the best
to achieve what others can't

Yes, I put pressure on myself.

But how do you motivate yourself without stress?

Sometimes I'm so scared...
A simple sentence can strike me like a lighting bolt.

Like Spinning Gasing

I guess this is just a piece of something no one will understand 

07.10.12

There is something about the darkness that draws out the demons and their kin. There is something increasingly pathetic about feeling lonely in a crowded place. There is something wrong with her. Duality, i love that song

24.09.12

All of a sudden, I feel so much gratitude for everything that has happened to me.
All that happened to me, made me stronger,
and all my past; all the trails and tribulations, made me better
and all the time that has past that I had to get through gritting my teeth,
Everything,
Everything,
brought me You.

Thank you, for being in my life.

G&K always
~quish quish~

Day of Compliments!! Oh Joy!

There was a program meeting today at the company and also a pot-luck lunch afterwards.
They always have themes for their meetings,
which I think is a fabulous idea :D

For today's meeting, the theme was "Raya".
So we had to wear Raya clothing.
Since I didn't have any Raya clothing at all, I borrowed a Baju Kebaya from my colleague from the next team.

It was a beautiful Baju Kebaya~~~

I never realised how beautiful it was until I wore it, stood in the mirror, said "Not bad", got to the office, and the office went "Oh My God" - collectively.

Everyone praised me and admired the Kebaya,
I shared the praise with my colleague of course - it IS her Kebaya

But the compliments were overwhelming

I have never felt so 'seen' in my life.

It felt amazing *hearts*

And that got me thinking,
Compliments, they actually grow on you.
They boost your confidence - yes they do do do

And somehow, the compliments made me want to be compliment-worthy everyday

I want to be beautiful and confident everyday.
I wonder if I can carry it off...

But the one thing about the compliments I got today,
there will always be this shadow and this nagging doubt,
the dress is beautiful - yes, very much so,
so wearing it, so am I.


But without the dress, am I still beautiful?

25.08.12

I always find that it is so hard to put into words what I feel when it comes to you.

I just never expected it to be this way.

We're both slowly learning,
there are so many pages to add to our book.
By the end of it,
we'll have a whole library no doubt.
Not all of them will be happy,
there will be tears - I hope they're happy ones
there will be hurdles - We'll win the olympics eventually
there will be highs and lows and ups and downs and lefts and rights
there will be Doctors - yes, you heard me right.

But in the end, and even throughout our tomes,
there will be US - You and Me (+ a few eventually)

Come what may

Always

G&K

Patriotism

Patriotism, what is it really?
What does this term entail?

It's almost Merdeka again. Our Independence Day.
- flags are flying everywhere and competitions are held to remind us to be patriotic, love our country, love the land where we were born, where the blood of our ancestors are spilt.
Many common ancestors too I would like to mention, since quite a few of us have had our blood mixed about quite a bit.

Patriotism
To different people, it may mean different things.
To me, it means wanting to do something for your country.
But I seem to have a problem in discovering the 'What'.
What can I do for my country? What am I - puny, tiny, insignificant me - capable of doing for my country?
I'm not as smart as some of our leaders or other great minds,
I'm not as PR savvy as the lobbyists or Public Relations Officers,
I'm not as disciplined or capable in combat like those protecting our country in the front lines,
and I'm not as brave as those who stood up in front of tear gas to promote their feelings of wanting positive change for the country.

So what can I do within my capabilities to serve my country? To make a change?

I gave it a semi-conscious think while I was drifting off to sleep earlier,
and I think I found what's holding me back.
- not the "what I can do" unfortunately, but the "what is holding me back"

It's fear.

Fear of the unknown, of the consequences of speaking up.
But then those who speak up, how many of them know what are they actually speaking up about?

My greatest fear, is standing up for something I'm not sure is right or wrong.
My greatest fear, is getting lost in a screaming mob, clamoring for something I'm not sure I believe in, or do not fully understand about.
I suppose in some ways, that makes me a coward.
But there's too much to lose.
There is and always will be, too much to lose.

I am patriotic.
I love my country, it has given me so many chances, so many opportunities and luxuries.
But it has also withheld from me what the citizens of other countries would call basic liberties.
- The freedom of speech - To really speak their mind.
- The right to protest and assemble peacefully.

Questions flood my mind. What is right, what is wrong.
How do I contribute?

To different people, 'Patriotism' has a different meaning.
But to me, it means finding my own way of contributing what I can to my country, to my people, to make this country better than it can be.

Until I find my way.

Negaraku, Malaysia.   

Happy

Everything seems to be going so well.
It's a little scary really...
Scary that everything that was so right but was so wrong can right itself out and now, we're back on track.

Does this make sense?

Just safe to say, that for the first time in a long time,
I'm truly happy <3 br="br">

Gamble

Life is a gamble.

My mom told me that she was never a gambling person,
but she decided to gamble her future when my dad asked her to marry him.

Through this story,
she taught me that it's worth gambling and fighting for something that you really want.

We been through this situation again and again and again and again
But we still come right back to it

Maybe this time won't be any different,
maybe I'll fuck up again
maybe you will.
But I think it's worth a gamble.

Who knows?
I might hit the jackpot.

07.08.12

Does it make sense that I still wait to hear the words I want to hear so badly?

Not that it changes much....

But still, a girl can dream. :)

06.08.12

Sometimes I think I can make it,
not being in love with you.
But sometimes I falter,
which I expect will happen often.

Sometimes I think it's better,
to let go entirely and release us from these chains.
But sometimes I think we can still do what we promised,
and be BFFs

Sometimes it gets so hard,
and I try to keep above it
to keep my finger from pressing 'play'
so that I can heard your voice again

Sometimes I try to ignore my phone,
when the button lights up
and the possibility that it's you is high
and try to dismiss the irritating disappointment when it's not
and tell myself I chose this
and tell myself that it's better this way
for me and you
and you and her
and me and me

But when we talk,
about things we used to before it all,
it's like a drug I crave
a luxury I can no longer hope for

And I tell myself,
it's not that bad
it's not that bad
it's not that bad
it's a choice that had to be made

Sometimes it works
and then it wears off
and I press play again
and then I close my eyes
and I've survived another day
without you and me

Today though, is a cheat day.
Because of LCW :P

04.08.12

There are words I want to say,
but they remain stuck in my throat.
Not because I don't know how to say them,
but because I don't know how to start.

Those words that I can't say,
drives my dreams.
Or I wish they would
instead of being a nuisance in my head

Do you stare at the screen and the time stamp like I do?
Or are you there for someone else?

I just wish..
Things were different...
and I can be where I thought I belonged again....

IMUG...

Withdrawal

Withdrawal, it can occur as early as a few days after you stop using the addictive material.

The usual time period it takes me to reattach myself to my addiction is more or less 8 hours.
Just time enough for me to go to sleep and get up.
That is barely enough time for the withdrawal symptoms to hit.
But this time, I have been without for more than 12 hours.
14? 16? 20?
I don't know.
It just seems too long.
Yet so short.

I wonder if withdrawal symptoms are the same for everyone.
I wonder if everyone stares at the picture of the cause of their addiction and daze off.
Do they switch on their Skype when they know the item of their addiction is asleep and stare at the screen?
Do they log on to messaging apps and stare at the screen and the time stamp?

I'm addicted to you.

I'm trying to stop.

01.08.12

Have been feeling a little more than under the weather these last two days.

Had an infection over the weekend which turned serious on Monday.
So finally had to get it settled yesterday.
Then this morning, the headache I've been having for the past weeks got too much and off I went to the doctor again.
The doc recognizes me. ==

Turns out I've got a Tension Headache from too much stress.
I checked it out online and apparently it's close to turning into a Chronic Tension Headache, 
if it isn't actually one already...

The doc said that I have to regulate my life.

I suppose so.

My darling YM said that I have to take care of myself.
She said “我们当你是宝。你怎么可以这样糟蹋自己。”

Now I have 2 packets of painkillers, a stack of antibiotics, a wounded heart as well as a brain apparently under siege.

Oh, and apparently Tension Headaches can be caused by depression.

But then, that's not a place worth venturing to.

25.07.12

Went out for dinner today with a friend then went to a pet shop.
All the way, there were couples.

At the hawker centre, at the pet shop, by the side of the road.
Holding hands, talking, all lovey dovey.

A scenario with a couple from China hit me hard

They were in front of the cages with the super cute doggies and were holding hands and talking in their china chinese accents.
I was thinking, "Are they working or studying? How do they get by on their accents? Do they speak any other languages?"
Then I realized, they don't care.
They're in their own little word - free to be who they are with the one they love.

I want that too.

Fairytales

Everyone wants to have their own fairytale.

We all imagine ourselves as brave and fearless, loyal and steadfast, trustworthy and perfectly flawed at some point in our lives.

When we were young, we watched how Cinderella was mistreated by her step family and when we were bullied by our siblings or disciplined by our parents, we imagine that we are Cinderella, and fantasize that any day now, Price Charming would come to our rescue and we would live happy ever after.

And boys, they imagine themselves to be superheroes - Power Rangers, Ultra-man, Batman, Superman. They want to be strong and brave.

Some say that fairytales are the root cause of the modern youth being so out of touch with reality. We think we are living in a fairytale and that Prince Charming or Princess Perfect will just jump out of nowhere and we'll have a happy ending.

Things don't work that way.

However, fairytales serve as positive encouragement as well. Shrek and Fiona are a good example of a strong male and a strong female together. They fight and argue and disagree and leave and get back together again. But they're strong together and no matter what happens, they always stay together in the end.

There, you get your Prince Charming and Princess Perfect.

But the thing that makes this imperfect fairytale perfect, is in fact, it's portrayal of imperfection.

Neither Shrek not Fiona are perfect characters.

Shrek is loud and obnoxious and selfish to a degree, but actually has a good heart and values friendship and love. He acts just like a big baby, but when the sky falls down, you can count on him.

Fiona is spoilt and bossy and also selfish to a degree, but just like Shrek, she has a good heart and tries hard to be better, like she does with the annoying donkey. She acts like a brat at times, but when it comes down to it, she is always going to stick by her man. And she can lead a troupe of fighting fairytale princesses to her hubby's rescue. *bonus point*

So, what I mean to say is, identification with fairytale characters is acceptable and should be encouraged to some degree. Just make sure you identify with the right ones.

*I personally prefer to be Selene or Alice (the zombie-arse-kicking Alice mind you). But then, I don't mind being Fiona. She is kinda kick-ass after all. :p  *

09.07.12

看着很好笑的娱乐片
想让自己大声的笑
可是心中每一刻都想着我们这一刻的不合
就怎么也专心不了
怎么也笑不出来
那难得的笑声
听起来多么的勉强


为什么爱一个人那么的难？


你的一个无心的词语
比被一把刀捅在心里更加的痛


我真的很爱你
真的真的很爱


为什么爱一个人
这么的难

08.07.12

爱情其实并不简单。
也许有时候还会有点难。

一段感情中，总需要有一方比较礼让。
但是，就算再能礼让的人，遇到了太大的波折，也会放弃
就算不放弃，心中那条刺也难以拔舍。
这时候，被礼让的那一方就要反过来变礼让的一方了。

道别从前习惯了的迁就与甜蜜，
要长大，要乖了。

可是那回忆就像是不愿意放手的刺猬
那曾经的甜蜜与美好回忆虽然已经被摧毁
可是那感觉还是挥散不去的
那想念，也不会松弛的。

偶尔那沉重会把人压迫得无法呼吸
那泪水徘徊在眼角，却很争气的滴不下来。
可是也许，那是比痛更痛的预告

许多事情都很模糊
努力让自己长大的小孩了解，
生活没有可能无时无刻都甜蜜的
可是这道理，她的心是无法了解的

她只想要每天一个拥抱
一个吻
一份小小的甜蜜
一个时光机器


真的好想念好想念

明天会好起来的了
就让我颓废6小时吧…

07.07.12

It always seems that I'm most productive at night.
I always seem to write at night.
What do I write you ask? Well now...that's for me to write, and for you to ponder. :p

Have been meaning to send out inquiries for scholarships to UK Law Universities for some time now, but just got round to it today.
Sent out like....9 inquiries.
Hopefully they get back to me.
Only 5 more months to next year...Wonder if I can actually get everything or anything settled by then...

*Sudden thought*

It's time to get out.
I was never meant to be bound to this mundane life.
I'm meant to be loose and free and fly.
Not chained by my own expectations and restrictions.
I have found my wings, or the beginnings of them.
Now all that's left is to use them.

Hope my dreams come true
And my dreams include you

Always

The Bridegroom Documentary

Are you ever afraid of losing a loved one?
Wonder what would happen if it really occurred?
Especially if you are not accepted by the other person's family and/or are separated by a great distance?

You would be the last, if at all, to know about anything.

This is about straight relationships. What about the same-sex relationships? Or so called gay relationships?
They stand to lose everything

Stand up for love, stand up for gay rights.
I don't know if anyone actually reads my blog, but if you do, this is for a good cause.

Go to this link: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/452010736/bridegroom-an-american-love-story

Check it out and pledge.
If you can't pledge, spread the news. Time is running out.

For yourself, for your best friend, for your sister, for your brother, for your neighbor, for your children, for that nice stranger down the street.
For love.
For equality.

Teddy

The first Valentine's Day prezzie I got from my baby~~still treasure it so much~~
Giving it extra kisses for International Kissing Day <3

3/7/12

Today

This morning started out eventful enough.

My bathroom is in the same area as the kitchen and there is one door leading to it.
Usually, the last one to leave the house locks it. That's usually me.
We also tend to check the bathroom to see if anyone is inside before we lock it.
Today my housemate seems to be in too much of a hurry, so she locked me in and left immediately for Uni. By the time I realized what had happened, it was already too late and I was stuck there in my towel in an empty house.
Luckily my arms are not as short as I thought they were and I managed to reach the key on the other side with my fingertips and unlock myself.
Although I almost got a dozen cuts on my arm in the process. Almost.

Then I went to work.
The day went fine enough. I had plenty of work to keep me occupied and was too tired and uncomfortable to take much stock of what the lamb was or was not doing.
However, come 12.30pm, things got interesting again.

As I went down to the car park to re-park my car (which I have to do every 4 hours), I realized that my car wouldn't start.
I was like "God damn it"
After calling my dad, he said that the battery must have died.
But my senior said that it might be my starter or any multitude of problems.
I was in favor of the starter being faulty as a battery would cost me RM210++ and although my dad said he would reimburse me, I was still skeptical of when and if I would actually live to see the money. As in would I starve first. Lol...
So, my senior called his mechanic friend for me and set an appointment for after lunch.
While taking in this less than desiring situation, the whole time I was thinking about being able to play Diablo 3 with my grizzly bear after work.
The plan was a quick dinner, bath, and then play together.
I would be his Demon Hunter and he would be the front liner.
However, fate decreed that it was not to be~
The mechanic was late and I had to stay at work until 7.30pm before he finally got here, tinkered with my car, and conclusion was that he wasn't sure what was wrong with it and I'd have to let him take the car tomorrow with the hopes that he could fix in one day.


Afterward, there was trouble with grizzly's game and so we couldn't play together...

So, that's my day.

Hoping everyone else had a better day. Cheers!

Bears

Sometimes I just feel like writing.
Like the tip-tip-tapping sound of my own fingers on the keyboard.
I find it oddly soothing. Even if it's not from me, I still find the sound comforting.

Feeling more soppy than usual today. Or recently. Depending on who you ask. :p

Have been thinking of the simple joys of life.
Like having a cup of coffee with enjoyable company
Watching a movie with people you like
Having BBQ with a bestie
Playing an online game with a grizzly bear

Simple joys,
but sometimes, not that easy to get.

But sometimes the simple joys, just come to you.
and will come to you, if you wait.

I miss my bear...
Much more than usual after watching Brave.
cuz there're so many bears in it. :p

STOP IT

Why must there be such *&$%^ people in the world?

It's so hard to remain sane when someone is irritating the shit out of you and you are not equipped to deal with it calmly, or 'calm' in the definition of the gross population.

I just feel like screaming "STOP IT!!!"

STOP staring at my screen when I'm on Facebook
STOP trying to make me tell you who ALL of my friends are
STOP trying to one-up me in front of our supervisors
STOP trying to make me convert
STOP trying to interrupt me when I'm talking to our seniors out of jealousy
STOP making stupid remarks just to divide attention from me

STOP giving me directions about what to do when I'm doing exactly that because you want the seniors to think you taught me how to do it

STOP behaving like a soft lamb in front of everyone else and then giving me looks and spiteful actions

I see through you.
I see you for what you are
and I see what you are doing

AND I DON'T LIKE IT

SO STOP IT!!!!!!

Lord...this is soooooo stressful..... ==

The CNY-like Weekend

Just got back from Ipoh. Just spent the weekend there for father's day and to meet up with some friends.

The gathering was awesome. I haven't laughed so much in months I think.
It was so much like Chinese New Year!! So many people together!!
It's unbelievable. There was no single moment of ill will.
Even when they started teasing me about looking pregnant, I just started to joke with them and planned to buy baby clothes. Lol...
There's seriously nothing like it. The secure knowledge that these people love you just for who you are - all your flaws and shortcomings are taken in and made fun of, but accepted as a part of you.
We are all so tight, like one cohesive unit. Yet all with our unique personalities. All pieces of a puzzle.
But we did not have enough time together..I wish we had more...Especially with my best best best bestie, wish we could have spent more time together...

Other than that, my time home was..Hungry. lol..
Good thing my brother was in a rare good mood and took me out for makan makan and more makan, but only when he's hungry too.
Hence he was like my dad for the weekend. Hmm...wonder if I should wish him Happy-Wannabe-Father's Day. lol...

As for plans for the future, some things have been set, and all it takes is the working towards it.
Whereas some things appear to be more complicated than I thought it was, but it doesn't change the heart.

And the most important thing is, to get rid of this rage inside before it builds up anymore than it already has.

Imperfection

Something breaks
and it keeps breaking
Glue and tape and bullets and string
Can't make it perfect again

And so you change
to suit the imperfection
You hold it together
and hope for the best

And so you play dress up
and arm yourself
Wearing armor two sizes too big
Convincing the world you're winning the battle

And you fight and claw and break bones and shed blood
Only to look back
and realize it's all You

Freak

Feeling like a freak again. Lol...

Those who are close enough to me will know that I speak differently.

My Mandarin is mostly very exact, with almost spot on pronunciation and I can sound like a China Chinese sometimes in conversation with someone who speaks very exact Mandarin.
I've been reproached for this before though.
Someone told me I was overdoing it.
But it's not something I do on purpose...I just adapt fast..I speak the way the person I'm talking to expects an equal to speak like.

Today's sentiments stem from a sudden bout very proper English speaking.
I have no idea why I was speaking like that. I wasn't being pretentious nor was I speaking like that on purpose. I just do.

I feel so different.
Just like a freak.

Is it wrong to be different though?
I don't think it is.
I like being unique.

But sometimes, when I think of how other people might see me...
Sometimes...just sometimes...I feel like a freak

An Uber Bad Experience

We see these posts about how girls should be careful at parking lots and all that, but how many of us really pay attention? I know I don't.

I always thought that it would never happen to me and that I'm smart enough and scary-looking enough to avoid that. But it seems that wasn't the case.

I went to SS2 mall today. When I was on my way back to the carpark, I noticed two rather big sized Indian men in front of me. One of them nudged the other and said something excitedly while gesturing in my direction. I though they were gesturing to the electronics store behind me and ignored them, turning left towards the long isolated walkway that lead towards the parking lot.

Before the heavy door could completely close behind me, I heard it open again and heard fast footsteps behind me. Two voices called out "Amoi! Amoi!" "Ei! Cantik!"

You have no idea how scary it is, to be alone and vulnerable and to have two creeps following you with God-knows-what intentions in their head.

I walked as fast as I could. As the footsteps came nearer and faster, I dashed for the door in front of me and ran up the stairs, not caring where I went, as long as I put some distance between us.

I ended up at an empty parking lot about three floors up where my car was. The parking lot below it was empty too and I had no idea where I was. There were no sounds at all. I walked ahead, hoping to get somewhere familiar, always looking back to see if they had followed me.

I ended up walking along the car ramps leading from one parking lot to the other until I found a more populated lot and finally, my car.

There are no words to exactly describe the experience. I just know I never want to be in such a situation ever again.

Piranha 3DD

So, got a couple of tickets to see the premiere of Piranha 3DD.
Was really psyched to be one of the first in Malaysia to watch it so invited some friends as well.

::::::Was a waste of my 1+ hours.
::::::Gimme back my life.

First, the Bitching!
Don't take me wrong, I do like gore and all that sometimes, and I like blood and guts on occasion, but not senseless violence and a less than provocative plot.
Overall, it feels like it was done because it was expected to be done.
Does that make sense?
The whole 1+ hours (below 1 and a half not including bloopers and all that) was very rushed and the plot was sooooo straight forward. There were no surprises or twists in the plot. (Unless you take into account the walking fish, where I went like...ok... & the guy plowing over the girl which was still clique and not particularly 'ooooowh!!' inspiring)
Another bone I have to pick with this movie is, I guess it's on behalf of all the guys who were watching it for the wrong (or right) reasons >>> There were in fact only two pairs of D cups in the whole movie.
Which might be why they called it 3doubleD = 2 D cups.

On the plus side!

Wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen, but definitely not my genre.
Liked the music nearing the end during the feeding frenzy.
Nothing like comical music to set the mood for blood and gore and flying guts and body parts.
I liked it that they tried to insert some comedy into the nonsensical violence.

ALSO! 

Proud to say, our censoring boards seem to be loosening up,
some parts that would usually have been edited and censored were not.
Or maybe this just shows clever editing and dialogue writing by the production team.

All in all, still a waste of my time.
But can't say I regret it because I don't make it a point of regretting what's past.
My motto: Bitch and move past it

So this is me Bitching, 

and this is me Moving Past It.

So long Piranhas.

Back Off

As I promised, I am blogging.

Some people, have no concept of personal space.
Just stop getting in my face!!!
When I'm talking on the phone, BACK OFF
When I'm texting, BACK OFF!! Who do you think you are????

There is a fine line between wanting to get to know someone and trespassing on their  privacy.

Have blown off a lot of steam throughout the day, so all I want to say now, is

BACK OFF

thank you

Good Person?

What constitutes to being a Good Person?

This question has been plaguing me for a while...
More so today than before.
When I first decided to make a change for the better, I thought being a good person was making other people happy.
But then I realized it's hard if not impossible to make everyone happy
Then some things happened recently, that made me ponder even more,
How do I become a better person?

When I'm with friends I sincerely care about,
I don't have to ponder so much,
because I know they know that I'm sincerely good to them.
I sincerely care about their welfare.
But with others, I wonder...how do I appear to them?
And then I wonder, What is a good way of becoming a better person?

I need a motto, a belief, something to focus on when I'm feeling like being mean..
Am I still allowed to be mean?
How many restrictions are there for a Good Person?

OR

Maybe, I make my own rules.
Everyone has a different definition of a "Good Person"
but the main gist of it is the same,
TRY NOT TO HARM PEOPLE

I shall still be able to be myself,
just don't try not to hurt or harm intentionally,
no matter how tempting it might be
no matter how irritating I find the majority of the world's population to be

And, separate work from my personal life.
I have enough to worry about.

GAMBATE!!

朋友的爱

我觉得嘛…爱情，是不分性别的。
我爱的是你的性格，你的一切，一切小动作。
你的好脾气，你的忍耐度，你的聪明，你的变态，你的可爱，等等
不是你的性别。

可是我理智，我知道，这样是不能永恒的
所以我选择了做朋友
因为朋友是永远的
你说，你会考虑家人的感受
我会考虑我能在你身边多久

以朋友的身份相爱
比真正的相爱踏实

所以，朋友，我是爱你的
虽然不多，可是我看得出，你也是爱我的喔~

W-E

Sometimes you think you've got it Right
but turns out it was Wrong
Sometimes you think you're got it Wrong
but turns out it was Right

Life is a series of hoops and turns and loops and curves
You never know what will hit you at the next blink
- a speed bump
  a parking ticket
  a bouquet of red roses
  dancing shoes
  Love

How do you know if you won't regress?
- Love?
  Fear?
  Love?
  Instinct?

WE are what WE are
but what are WE?
I don't know.
I just know WE are still WE
not complete
but W will find our E again
in whatever capacity

Concentrating~
Prioritizing~

The Mermaid, The Siren and The Captain

Choices were made
by the Mermaid
who fought against being a Siren
and so left the Captain
staying close to the ship
sticking to the faith

Choices were made
by the Captain
made her feel like she was only a Siren
thinking Siren thoughts in her Siren ways
laughing at her reasons
He was always right

She floated in the ocean
Alone
He could not see her tears
they were hidden in the sea

In the end
Never understanding
It was never about anger
it was about giving
and wanting to know it was Received
it was Hoping
never letting go
being naive and thinking everything would be alright

It was the little things
It was disregarding the faulty senses of the Mermaid
- The First Mate in a new red dress
  when moments ago
   it was for her

She jumped back into the ocean
Not alone
With her sisters and brothers
Tried to forget
she was ever a Siren
tired to be a Mermaid again
Who once purely loved a Captain

快乐不快乐

每一次回家乡都总有很多不一样的感受。
Happiness, frustration, anger, longing, fulfillment, satisfaction, joy, sadness, stress, etc
这次回来碰巧遇到些不愉快的事
本以为自己藏得很好，可是妈妈看穿了
母亲节那天，她告说我，“你要快乐，要开心”
抱着妈妈那一刻，快哭出来了
“妈，今天是母亲节，这句话应该是我和你说的”
“傻的…没关系！你要开心就好！”
昨天，妈妈在我面前提她的名字
“妈，可以不要提她吗？我真的不想听”
“你让妈帮你承担可以吗？”

其实，不快乐的情绪，不是说收就收的……
可是让妈妈看见了…真的…
每天努力的卖笑
努力的快乐
可是，想到你们…
那种想尖叫崩溃的感受，真的………

可是怎么说都好，
爱了就爱了
还爱就还爱
我不后悔

现在只想快快乐乐的…
顺其自然吧…
我知道，身边还有很多人，是爱我的

There is nothing more you can ask for than unconditional support from people who love you.
To my Family, my Grizzly and my Best Friends -
I'm proud to be loved by you.

Lunacy

Because he likes it a lot and requested me to put it in my blog. :p

Lunacy

(First 2 verses omitted because I don't feel like putting it up here. :p)

...

...

You'll be my King

and I your Queen

and they will be our playthings

When they revolt

we'll seal the vault

and then throw in some zombies

We'll watch the show

through our glass window

and charge five pennies per show

K heart G, always

For The Want Of A Horseshoe Nail

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the battle was lost.
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

Peace be with those who passed away..

Prayers go to those who were hurt..

Hope go to those who us who still believe..

Shame to those who incited the chaos.  

Freedom

What is Freedom?

Who can say

Just a word

Fond to play

Like human beings

We fight our strings

We refuse to bow

We stand proud

What is our fate

Up for debate

This we still can't tell

But we will fight

We'll stand our ground

For our rights

We will sound

Insomia

I just realized, I haven't been home in more than a month, almost two months now.
Not since my chicken pox. And that was til the 9th March.
I'll only be going back on the 7th May since I'm waiting for Allo to go back together.

Mom texted me the other day saying everyone misses me at home.
Dad threw a kiddish fit at me when I called a few days ago saying he hadn't heard my voice in a week.
Bro has been contacting me on almost a regular basis now, which has never occurred before.
Call me slow, but it just occurred to me a moment ago, in my extreme fatigue, that I have left home in a less than healthy manner, (having hardly recovered from chicken pox), and have plunged straight into midterms and assignments and now my final exams. Stands to reason why they are all so worried about me.
My family.
Miss my best friend too.
I love Allo to bits.
But no one can ever replace my YM.
Miss her so much...Talked to her on the phone today, have taken to calling her more recently (as often as I can which is rarely), since we are both so busy, it's hard to even have a decent conversation.

So much have happened recently, really, a lot.

I need to get my priorities straight.
Law? That is a big step, it's time i figured whether or not I should really pursue it.
If it was only up to me, I would choose it in a heartbeat, but it's not.
My family are a big factor too. I know my dad...I don't want to put him through 5 more years of back-breaking labor.

Have found my passion for writing again. Thank you to my Muse. <3
Have been writing non-stop, words just keep flowing into my mind.
Which is good, yet bad. Just have to keep it in check.
Starting something like a diary. Full of verses.

And have found the best way to study again.
Actually, it has never changed...I just tried to change it. *Epic fail*
But nighttime is still my scene...Just can't seem to get it up in the daylight. lol..
Just wrote 1 and a half pages worth of mock answers for my exam.
Doing that makes me happy, makes me feel prepared, like I'm in control.
With all the spiraling I've been going through lately, it's a great thing.
Just hope I'm prepared enough.
And focused enough.
Fatigue sharpens my mind to my studies. But dulls it to everything else.
I do not function after a particular hour, I merely DO.

I love writing, it's my passion.
But all I have are words, and sometimes that's downright depressing.

Want to go on a trip.
Planning a family trip, mom says it's my job to egg my dad to go.
Oh well...Egging my dad along has always been my designated duty since I was a toddler.
Shall try.
Redang!!!!!!

Focus...focus....
CGPA CGPA........

P.S. Daddy and Mommy coming down on 1st of May!! Maybe poop-faced brother too!! What should we eat?? Hmm....

(Shall study like mad before that to make up for one day holiday...Very next day Comm Law... *digging grave digging grave*)

Silly

Silly

When the simple things in life
make you laugh and smile
And the little joys you get
make you act like a child
Just a little silly
acting below Twenty
You'll always be my baby
for you make me unbelievably happy

G&K always

Omelet Recipeeee!!!

Was told to cook healthier food for myself yesterday, so when was out today, figured "Why not?"
Hence, THE OMELET came to life!!

Yummy Omelet!!!

Simple recipeeeeee:

You'll need:

• Eggs!! (4)
• Broccoli (1 stump)
• Sausages (3)
• Potato (1 medium sized)
• Pepper and Salt (A pinch each)

 Prepare your ingredients~

• Cook your potato in boiling water for about 15 minutes until you can stab a knife clean through it (or can poke through it with something sharp)
• Boil your Broccoli until it's just soft enough
• Chop up all your sausages 
• Chop up your potato when it's out of the boil
• Fry your sausages
• Fry your potato cubs with salt!!
• Beat your eggs with some pepper and pour in the broccoli
• Fry fry fry!!
• TADA!!



Boil em!

Brocoli

Fried chopped potatoes and sausages

 P.S: I used 5 eggs~You can choose to use more or less of em~ This lasted me for 2 meals, perfect for a lazy student. And it might look less than appetizing, but trust me, the moment you taste the soft broccoli at the base and the fusion of the fried sausages and salted potato cubes, you're gonna crave more~~ <3

Everyday, I'm amazed
at how we change
yet stay the same

We morph into beings
so in sync
that it's no longer You and Me
it's We

Even though we're far apart
Our hearts are one
Our bond is strong
We belong

G&K always

Until The End of Days

Quite a few things have happened recently.
As usual, my life is filled with drama.
Like I mentioned before, I have found the one person that I know I belong with.
Never agreed with people splitting up and getting back together, and something quite similar has happened quite a few times in these few weeks.
But the weird thing is, it never really happened.
Not to say it was a dream or an illusion, the fact is, the split was an illusion in itself.
Something even crazier happened quite recently, and amazingly, that has brought us much closer than either or us thought was possible.
I guessed I proved a point to myself. As he did the same to me.

It still takes me by surprise, how much we belong.
It still shocks me, not the reality that how someone can care so much about me, it's how much that caring means to me.
One kiss, and you melt.
There are no words enough to explain.
None that can possibly contain the capacity of how we feel.

It's when he shows you every single friend he has on Facebook and explains to you who they are what they have done together;
It's when he tells you things that are dead secret;
It's all the little things he does, his little movements,
his wanting and needing to share everything with you.
It's how he can look into you and see you and accept you, completely, for who you are.

Like I said, even though we both hold a high esteem for words, they are not enough to describe this.
And they never will be.

G&K till the end of days

Just some things

You know how some things work and some things don't?
It's like....how peanut butter and butter works? But jelly and ham just sounds gross?
Not a good example? Oh well..close to 4am, brain not functioning well.
Still, somethings, don't work.
Like trying to hammer a blunt nail into a piece of wood.
For someone who's supposed to be smart, I sure am feeling mighty stupid right now.
And I don't know why.
Because I can't follow a conversation and was not aware I wasn't following it?
Oh lord..something must be wrong with me.
I'm getting slow. Like, 10km/h slow. lol...
You know how some things seem like they were meant to be but turns out that they weren't and you were just being set for a fall? By no one in particular, just happens that way.
You know how you're not allowed to feel?
Not by anyone else, by yourself.
You're not allowed to be hurt or sad or angry or unhappy or any shit like that because you don't deserve to.
So you stay up late late late so that you're so tired that you're simply operating on Lord knows what and you can't think straight and can't cry and can't hurt. Not that you're allowed to in the first place.
His shoes are too big for you, he's too tall for you.

Saw this on FB earlier. Feel like doing exactly this. I need a swim..==

You're just a wannabe. Ish~
Like those ditzy blondes with sequined miniskirts. Yuck...= =
So it has been settled and such.
And I'm saying this while hugging Drollie...Ironic!
Ah! That's the word I was looking for the other day! Somehow I settled for Illogical, I think....lol..
So then, he's gone.
At least he's happier this way.
I wonder how long that interview tape i have to screen is...Hmm..
Bout an hour more i reckon..
Will have to be awake at 6 to bath and get reading for 8 am class.
Well, you know what they say, better be energized all the way than to risk waking up late.
Just 2 more hours anyway.
"I don't like the who i become when I'm talking to you."
 You won't have to anymore.

共存

爱情
你可以很爱她，同时很恨她
你可以不能没有她，同时不能信任她
你可以很想她，同时不想见到她
你可以很想见到她，看着她，却想着，我到底有多恨她？到底能不能原谅她？

我明白，
爱与恨，可以共存。
想要和一个人亲密和想要和她一辈子是不一样的
我了解，你可以很爱很爱她，不能没有她，可是同时发现，
你不能信任她
而对每一个人来说，特别是你，信任是多么的重要
爱与恨共存

在学习着乐观
不会乞求太多
说过，我会在这。不会离开。
选择了，就不放手。
直到你要离开

其实很害怕…
可是，我站得定定的。就是不会动。

Sometimes it's difficult to explain
how I feel
what I think

Simple things
Little things
Jump up at you
and make you go, Oh!

Like how much he misses you
all the time
And that he can't stand not hearing from you
even for a moment
That you're always on his mind
always
And that he has so much to say to you
because he's never had someone he could say so much to

Counting the days
Until I can be in your arms again...

G&K for better or worse

So many things have happened recently,
bad, bad, and worse.

Something good did come out of the bad though,
we're stronger than ever before.

This dark night is not finished.
There are more hurdles to jump over
More bacteria that are going to take every chance they get to attack me

But life goes on
I'll always find my way
Cuz I'm my daddy's little girl.

And because I'm your baby.

Sorry...

From young I've learnt to survive
Creating a self that the world would accept
Burying the real me deep down
Because I knew, no one would understand.

Then I met you
Someone who truly understood
Someone who brought the best out of me
Someone who gave me everything
Someone who loved me more than anything

But at this crucial interval
I guess I have to admit
I guess I realized, I never truly believed
For someone who has hidden herself all her life,
Finds it hard to believe the ray of sunlight is not artificial light

Wrongs were made,
Flaws were shown.

I can't take back what I did,
I can't take back what I said.

But if you would but give me a chance,
I would try my hardest to show you
that I Love You
and I would do what anything I can to fix this.

Everything sounds feeble,
everything sounds like gibberish..

But if you give me a chance,
I will do you right.

I'm sorry baby...
Please forgive me...

Insomnia

Do you know how it is when you miss someone and wonder if that person misses you as much as you miss him act then you can't ask that person if he misses you as much as you miss him because it's a stupid childish question that even if answered is still useless because missing that particular someone is not a choice for you it is more of a compulsion or instinct though saying instinct will be putting it too seriously more like reaction but then reaction to what maybe to life sor something philosophical or something hence even if you get an answer favorable or not there is no satisfying end result due to the fact that it doesn't change anything and as said earlier you have no business missing that person hence the uselessness of the question in the first place.
Now, to go to sleep. If only I could....

Apart

Our hearts, they yearn to be whole
But Fate has decreed
With flaming sword and tinted bow
In our way a shadowy stead
Two parts of a whole
Two shards of a soul
On a sleepless night they crave to meet
But their only respite,
A shaded veil

就在意嘛…

有些事情，以为不在意了，
可是发现原来其实还是很在意……
看见大家玩的很开心，笑容满脸的照片，会想到，怎么差了我呢？
努力了近8个月的事情，被一场病给打败了。
在乎又怎么样？
看得见我的努力的人有多少呢？
我知道有…可是…

好啦……别让自己难过了啦……
心情低落了又来发疯的了…

本来就是一个向往逃避的人
好像戒掉FB……
不看一两个星期照片就会全换掉了的吧？
救命啦……
好伤心……………………TT

大熊快醒来陪我

Wonky Spell

Broccoli Carrots Mice and Raddish
Cod and Liver and Chicken Feet
----------- has a grizzly steak
Minced Meat and Beef Puree!

G&K

The greatest thing,
You'll ever learn,
Is just to love
And be loved in return.

Never thought we would end up saying "We wouldn't work out."

A neutral, rational, mature decision.

We have changed our parameters -
Restricting them in some ways,
Enlarging them in others.

We have lost a lot,
we have gained a lot,
But we still have the most important thing in the world,

US

"Seasons may change, Winter to Spring.
But I will always love you."

Some things will change, they have to...
But some won't...

G&K

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before

3 weeks...
Hands...arms....kisses....caress....smell...

Satine was right...

"The jealousy will drive you mad"

Chicken Pox, Hurray! ==

So, congratulations are due to me.
I have been inflicted with the abdominal Chicken Pox.

Why should you congratulate me then?
Well, that is ofcourse, purely and in its essence, clear as the day, a completely sarcastic comment.

I have an assignment to hand up this Wednesday,
A contract to sign and sponsor merchandise to pick up on Thursday,
A studio shooting for my Final Year Project on Friday,
and A UTAR Ball event which I have been preparing for 8 months this Saturday.
and Oh yeah! I just got a call asking me to go for an interview this Friday.

So, all the events above has been canceled on my part and the interview has been postponed to nex week.

And and AND!! The cream on the pie!
I've got Diarrhea as well.

So, isn't this a wonderful?

AND! I can't Skype with Someone because I look too horrible to be seen and am not willing to scare him silly.
Yes, I have got them on my face as well.

Fucking Hell....

Believe

For You,

Sometimes, I wonder about the distance
sometimes, I wonder about the truth of the situation
sometimes, I wonder if it's all that we've cooked it up to be

And then I say something,
and you listen
but you don't just listen,
You Hear Me

And something happens,
and you're not just a shoulder to cry on
You offer solutions and alternatives
no matter how absurd

And you would give up,
what you have always wanted,
in my best interests.
Because you have decided,
I'm what you've always wanted.

And then,
I don't wonder anymore.

I believe

Today started out alright. But ended with me being physically and semi-emotionally drained.
Class at 8. Was Comm Law class so couldn't afford to skip.
6.30am - had freezing cold bath, left house at 7.10, reach school at 7.20, found parking space, phone call, got down, class.
10am - class finished, went to eat, went to class, went for meeting
2pm - went for class, phone call, went to gym
En Route to gym - moronic van driver, almost accident 1
Gym - worked out worked out, hot bath. <3
En Route to dinner from gym - cowardly motorcyclist, sharp bend, almost accident 2
Home - Skype, no visuals, voice of a stranger, heart attack 3
Now - Boh strength anymore....
Lord....

Momentary panic attack

You know you've been hit bad when someone disappears for half a second and you panic.
Still, if that someone panics as much as you do because you're panicking,
it hits you again,
Panicking is worth it.
<3

nothing

Valentines 2012

Valentine's Day 2012.
Quite eventful I would say.
Got some beautiful flowers and wonderful gifts~
Got some wonderful news from a good friend of mine (SUPER HAPPY FOR YOU!!! <3 )

A lot of happiness and a lot of stress and complications have piled up these few days.
Not that they're all bad...
I shall treat them as character building.
Still, was a reasonably happy valentines day.

Until someone climbed over my gate and scared the crap out of me at 2am...==

Sick Cycle Carousel

We're spinning in a circle.
Round and round and round and back again and round and round and round and back again.

The highs are really high
and the lows almost kill us when we hit the beams

When we're up there,
we ride the waves of pure happiness
we get giddy from the joy and elation
we are drunk

When we're down here,
we see the glaring truth
we fight suspicion and insecurities
we try to survive

It's a sick cycle carousel
we're spinning round and round and round

I'm afraid that it will end with us getting sick and wanting off the ride.

I wonder who will give up first...

We seem to get closer to hitting the fan every time...

"Sick Cycle Carousel"
- Lifehouse

Birthday Month!!

A new semester has started.
Having a couple of interesting subjects that i'm quite sure i'll ace if i pay attention and work for it. Which I'll TRY to force myself to do. ;p
It's officially the first day of my birthday month too.
Pretty excited this year~I'm finally turning 21! Erm....yeah? or Boohoo? Haven quite decided yet. :p
My birthday is officially in 7 days. 7th or February.
Maybe should not be too enthusiastic about it...but then...
Have already gotten my present from my darling Bestie <3
More prezzies ordered by my other darling Grizzly Bear as well. Can't wait to get em~~
We share more or less the same eccentric or unusual tastes, so getting stuff from em always puts me in a better than good mood. Especially loves the books^^ But hopefully not books this time...I have yet to finish those from Christmas~:p
One of the things I'm looking forward to most are a pair of SkulCandy headphones. I chose em myself, but they're en route, so won't reach me so fast~~Ooooer~~~suspense!!! <3
Looking forward to surprise from a particular someone too. He seems to be really into surprises lately~ Hope I'm not dissappointed.
Wonder if D will even wish me a Happy Birthday this year...So many things have changed...But i really hope to hear from that dude...Miss em always~~
Parents already gave me my present - the traditional bday gift for a 21yr old - a key.
It was supposed to be gold, but I was adamant that it be white gold instead. Will not run the risk of it being ripped off my throat.
All in all...Just really really excited bout my birthday...
Can't help it...been really in love with birthdays since I was a kid.
Birthdays are meant to be celebrated!!!

On the other hand, getting increasingly stressed about Utar Ball on 3rd of March.
==
Ahhrrrgggghhh~~Not gonna think bout it. ==

Final

There was once a girl, she lived in a desolate place.
There was no name for her home. Or there was, but no one knows.
It was a place of eternal darkness and she was the only inhabitant.
Unlike most stories, she was not the perfect doe-eyed victim with which all readers would sympathize with.
She was simply, her.
With flaws and holes and scars and a temper.
She faintly remembers being in a place of light. Once in a while, she'd go back to that place in her dreams. Where there's sunshine and birdsong and someone warm.
Everyday, she lived for her dreams.
Yearned for the moment she could return to that place where she could say what she wanted to, be who she wanted to be; where that someone warm told her "You are my other half, you are my soulmate."
Dreams have a nasty habit of coming true.
She awoke one day, with her flaws and uncertainties and insecurities; and saw a hand reaching out for her.
She recognized it from her dreams. He was The One.
Unlike her dream, this was different.
He was no longer accepting of her flaws her uncertainties and her insecurities.
He said "I deserve better."
There was a burning. for there was nothing she could do. she watched as someone else took over and said "Yes, you do."
She watched as that other person said "Goodbye"
She watched as he said "Final"
It was over in the blink of an eye.
She was left wondering, what happened.
There was nothing, nothing but a burning.
She reopened her eyes, and never wanted to dream again.
She locked her door, and sat in a corner.
After eons, she realized, nothing really happened.
It was just a dream.
The burning would go away eventually.
She remembered the word "soulmate".
If having a soul meant it would have to burn this way, she did not want it.
So she locked her door and waited.

keep breathing
it'll go away

it hurts to breath

Simple Answers

So many things are unexplainable...
Why why why why why
I can't answer
Or, the answer is too simple.
"We're not compatible."
"It's too late."
Simple answers. The truth.

I remember when I refuse to accept the answer myself.
Oh so many years ago...
So I understand...
So I am nice...
So i reminisce bout what used to be...
and how long i took to get over it...
Pray to God you don't take so long...

我不会忘记

I know i know....I"ve neglected you for a long time...
Don't get pissed at me now! I was busy!
Well, i was a little lazy....but mostly busy!
Seriously, a lot has happened in this short while.
I suppose i'll talk bout all of it soon, but for now, there is just 1 thing on my mind.

我不会忘记，你带给我的感动。
那无时无刻陪伴着我的DOMO；
那沙滩上背着我走，还挽着我的拖鞋的你；
在草场上拖着我的手，背后播着Hujan的Kotak Hati，你轻声唱着“Aku janji, aku takkan pergi”；
我站在你的脚趾上，我们跳慢舞……
可惜，我们的感动不能掩盖你对我的伤害…
我伤不起，所以我选择退出…
可是，我相信，你爱我。