----

她一直以为自己没事。好开心，变坚强了呢。
快一个月了，只有一次的崩溃。
可是昨天晚上却沉闷起来了。糟糕。警钟响了。
今天她崩溃了。突然间的。唱着“怎样”。想哭了。
好无聊的事情：哭
她爸爸说过，发生什么事情都不准哭。可是她就是不争气。
也许他的出现让她有了一个依赖的对象吧。让她觉得可以放松警戒，让他保护。
可是她想再不想要爱情。她爱不到。伤痕累累的她…
丁当唱了：
不要吻我 只要抱紧我
不要爱我 做我的亲人
她需要的是一个拥抱。不是有附带条件的拥抱。就很单纯的…
一个可以给我靠的肩膀…
感觉上，心里的苦涩还没散。迟早会再爆发。只希望可以快些。
让一切可以快点过去，让她再次真正的微笑。

Once again

Although i wanted this blog to be about upbeat things, happy things, i seem to be continuously going back to miserable topic that has been plaguing the human race since the beginning of time::: Love.
She always wanted to have someone by her side, but now that she does she feels like she wants to push him away. She feels as if she's not ready. Not ready for love.
The surge of warmth she feels is unwelcome after a time. She can't imagine being close to him and that's not like her.
The companionship and the care is what she's always wanted. But now she's building a wall, hoping to hide behind it. She always wanted someone to be close to her, but now it feels like she's suffocating. Every breath with him that should be filled with relieve is filled with tension. She's not a ease, not completely. She feels stressed. Pressured.
She doesn't dislike him, yet she is not really ready to love him yet. She has a vague feeling that he has been waiting for her. And that puts even more pressure on her.
She wants to pull the brakes. For all of this to slow down. But it's not that easy. How do you say "Stay away. Come back later." When you have no idea if you can ever say "Come back."
She doesn't love him. But likes the idea that he seems to love her. Or is it love?
She doesn't want to think about it. She doesn't want the pity. And she suspects pity was the trigger. Or was it the prefect excuse?
Trapped in her own swirling world of confusion, she shuts down her brain.

想对她说

今天突然为了某些事情再找她。
以前我们真的很靠近。我很依赖她。她也说喜欢我依赖她。
她说过，如果她是—的话，我们一定会在一起。我相信了，也真的对她投入感情了。
个她做最好的朋友快一年了。记得我们一起逛街，一起搭公车。她牵着我的手走街。让我不被拥挤的人群伤害到的保护着我。和她看漫画，和她去宠物店，和她买笼子，逛夜市。
她会弄热粽子让我带上车上吃。
她会让我玩她的PS机，输了会教我怎样过关。
我什么都告诉她。
突然，到了某天，她开始不找我了。我找她，不是不复就是没有话题不然就是就是逃避。
她不找我不复我，我受伤了，所以赌气，再也不找她了。
就这样失去了联络。
几个月后，她回来了，有时约我有时不约还有爽约。
我也赌气，不复，不约。
有几个月了，突然找她，称呼是一样，可是关怀没了。温馨的感觉没了。
只剩空洞的心。
很想告诉她，我单身了。
很想告诉她她送我的鼠鼠死光了。
很想告诉她中国很好玩。
很想告诉她我很想念她。
很想问我们为什么会失去了我们的“爱情”。可是同是很害怕知道答案。
最后，什么都没说。
只是看了她的照片，回忆了我们的美好。
亲爱的，我们到底怎么了？………………………………………………

---

好就没有这么难过了……觉得被耍了…被背叛了…
其实也不动遥说什么……只知道要放弃了~他已经不是我当初爱上的那个人了……
觉得被欺负了…被欺骗了…
也许真的是被看贬了…看贬我不会离开他…
这次是我给他机会，他自己不珍惜…
还需要给多少次机会？被敷衍多少次？被欺骗多少次？被哄骗多少次？才足够呢？
已经是第二次说要离开了…希望自己不会再心软……
已经不想再被骗了…
心里其实想再给机会…可是很怕再受伤…
如果他再敷衍我的话那该怎么办？再骗我的话那该怎么办？
想给机会他解释，可是又怕他再哄我……
已经不是第一次了……
不想再有下次了……
是你不珍惜我…是你选择了敷衍我欺骗我…
够了！！！！！！！