Once again

Although i wanted this blog to be about upbeat things, happy things, i seem to be continuously going back to miserable topic that has been plaguing the human race since the beginning of time::: Love.
She always wanted to have someone by her side, but now that she does she feels like she wants to push him away. She feels as if she's not ready. Not ready for love.
The surge of warmth she feels is unwelcome after a time. She can't imagine being close to him and that's not like her.
The companionship and the care is what she's always wanted. But now she's building a wall, hoping to hide behind it. She always wanted someone to be close to her, but now it feels like she's suffocating. Every breath with him that should be filled with relieve is filled with tension. She's not a ease, not completely. She feels stressed. Pressured.
She doesn't dislike him, yet she is not really ready to love him yet. She has a vague feeling that he has been waiting for her. And that puts even more pressure on her.
She wants to pull the brakes. For all of this to slow down. But it's not that easy. How do you say "Stay away. Come back later." When you have no idea if you can ever say "Come back."
She doesn't love him. But likes the idea that he seems to love her. Or is it love?
She doesn't want to think about it. She doesn't want the pity. And she suspects pity was the trigger. Or was it the prefect excuse?
Trapped in her own swirling world of confusion, she shuts down her brain.