I don't feel well

Like Alice in Wonderland
falling down that hole, not knowing what's happening
walking through the streets, fingering her necklace, clenching her fists, struggling to keep down unfathomable tears
the food is tasteless
she feels trapped in a world she does not belong in
like she's separated from the rest of her
her soul
she can smile
but sitting there alone,
she clutches her necklace behind the table
-she realises what she is doing - she stops
she clenches her fist til her arm shakes with the effort
-she realises what she is doing - she stops
she starts to bite her spoon
(the crowd is stifling her)
-she realises what she is doing - she stops

She wants to go home...
all she wants to do right now is go home...
She wants to talk to someone...
but doesn't want to worry anyone
on the other hand,
who can she tell?
who will understand?
she keeps quiet...

He was her new harbor
or so she thought
but it seems that he is a but an ill wave -
washing over her inborn unease - magnifying them.

Like a bottomless abyss
too deep to fathom
she keeps drowning
and no one is there to pull her up
or is it that she is not allowing herself to be saved?

Scary thoughts fill her head.
Dark and unthinkable.

She just wants....to go home...
to her safe harbor....

I don't feel well...