STOP IT

Why must there be such *&$%^ people in the world?

It's so hard to remain sane when someone is irritating the shit out of you and you are not equipped to deal with it calmly, or 'calm' in the definition of the gross population.

I just feel like screaming "STOP IT!!!"

STOP staring at my screen when I'm on Facebook
STOP trying to make me tell you who ALL of my friends are
STOP trying to one-up me in front of our supervisors
STOP trying to make me convert
STOP trying to interrupt me when I'm talking to our seniors out of jealousy
STOP making stupid remarks just to divide attention from me

STOP giving me directions about what to do when I'm doing exactly that because you want the seniors to think you taught me how to do it

STOP behaving like a soft lamb in front of everyone else and then giving me looks and spiteful actions

I see through you.
I see you for what you are
and I see what you are doing

AND I DON'T LIKE IT

SO STOP IT!!!!!!

Lord...this is soooooo stressful..... ==

The CNY-like Weekend

Just got back from Ipoh. Just spent the weekend there for father's day and to meet up with some friends.

The gathering was awesome. I haven't laughed so much in months I think.
It was so much like Chinese New Year!! So many people together!!
It's unbelievable. There was no single moment of ill will.
Even when they started teasing me about looking pregnant, I just started to joke with them and planned to buy baby clothes. Lol...
There's seriously nothing like it. The secure knowledge that these people love you just for who you are - all your flaws and shortcomings are taken in and made fun of, but accepted as a part of you.
We are all so tight, like one cohesive unit. Yet all with our unique personalities. All pieces of a puzzle.
But we did not have enough time together..I wish we had more...Especially with my best best best bestie, wish we could have spent more time together...

Other than that, my time home was..Hungry. lol..
Good thing my brother was in a rare good mood and took me out for makan makan and more makan, but only when he's hungry too.
Hence he was like my dad for the weekend. Hmm...wonder if I should wish him Happy-Wannabe-Father's Day. lol...

As for plans for the future, some things have been set, and all it takes is the working towards it.
Whereas some things appear to be more complicated than I thought it was, but it doesn't change the heart.

And the most important thing is, to get rid of this rage inside before it builds up anymore than it already has.

Imperfection

Something breaks
and it keeps breaking
Glue and tape and bullets and string
Can't make it perfect again

And so you change
to suit the imperfection
You hold it together
and hope for the best

And so you play dress up
and arm yourself
Wearing armor two sizes too big
Convincing the world you're winning the battle

And you fight and claw and break bones and shed blood
Only to look back
and realize it's all You

Freak

Feeling like a freak again. Lol...

Those who are close enough to me will know that I speak differently.

My Mandarin is mostly very exact, with almost spot on pronunciation and I can sound like a China Chinese sometimes in conversation with someone who speaks very exact Mandarin.
I've been reproached for this before though.
Someone told me I was overdoing it.
But it's not something I do on purpose...I just adapt fast..I speak the way the person I'm talking to expects an equal to speak like.

Today's sentiments stem from a sudden bout very proper English speaking.
I have no idea why I was speaking like that. I wasn't being pretentious nor was I speaking like that on purpose. I just do.

I feel so different.
Just like a freak.

Is it wrong to be different though?
I don't think it is.
I like being unique.

But sometimes, when I think of how other people might see me...
Sometimes...just sometimes...I feel like a freak

An Uber Bad Experience

We see these posts about how girls should be careful at parking lots and all that, but how many of us really pay attention? I know I don't.

I always thought that it would never happen to me and that I'm smart enough and scary-looking enough to avoid that. But it seems that wasn't the case.

I went to SS2 mall today. When I was on my way back to the carpark, I noticed two rather big sized Indian men in front of me. One of them nudged the other and said something excitedly while gesturing in my direction. I though they were gesturing to the electronics store behind me and ignored them, turning left towards the long isolated walkway that lead towards the parking lot.

Before the heavy door could completely close behind me, I heard it open again and heard fast footsteps behind me. Two voices called out "Amoi! Amoi!" "Ei! Cantik!"

You have no idea how scary it is, to be alone and vulnerable and to have two creeps following you with God-knows-what intentions in their head.

I walked as fast as I could. As the footsteps came nearer and faster, I dashed for the door in front of me and ran up the stairs, not caring where I went, as long as I put some distance between us.

I ended up at an empty parking lot about three floors up where my car was. The parking lot below it was empty too and I had no idea where I was. There were no sounds at all. I walked ahead, hoping to get somewhere familiar, always looking back to see if they had followed me.

I ended up walking along the car ramps leading from one parking lot to the other until I found a more populated lot and finally, my car.

There are no words to exactly describe the experience. I just know I never want to be in such a situation ever again.