Fairy Tales

My heart is pumping like a pistol.
I guess even after so long, i still care dun i?
She sent me a friend request quite long ago, i did not approve.
I even laughed and thought,"Like Hell i'd ever approve her."
Then today, i suddenly decided, "Why not?"
After i pressed that button, i had complete access to all her wall posts.
Like the curious cat i am, i went through her posts, trying to find out who she is in a relationship with,
and then i saw his post.
And i saw his profile picture. And i realised she was with him.
6 years. After 6 years, he got her.
It's just like a fairy tale.
It's not like i want to go back.
Ping!~
I realized.
It's not that i can't let go.
It's not that i hate really all couples and hate all who are in love.
I'm jealous. Horribly jealous.
I envy them because they can be so simple minded.
They can love without thinking too much. Without worrying if they have a future or not.
They don't have to think about alternatives.
They don't have to worry about how the other party might feel about this about that.
They don't push people away.
They don't hurt people.
I do.
Why do i?
I envy their happiness.
How can they believe in forever when tomorrow is unclear?
How can someone stay steadfast for so long?
I wish i was perfect.
I wish i didn't hurt people.
I wish i could be simple minded and naive and believe in fairy tales,
believe that All You Need Is Love.
like that stupid song.
I wish i could stop functioning.
I wish i could stop thinking.
I wish i could stop being this way.
I wish....i had a fairy tale of my own....
But then, I know me,
if i had one, i'd find a way to destroy it.
Cuz i'm me.
I destroy my own fairy tales.